Success Doesn't Create Happiness - Happiness Creates Success!

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30 Days to Total Transformation

You can not create happiness out of success, but you can create success out of happiness.

 Written by Sterling Mire

I want to ask you a simple question but I’d like you to think about it before answering. Are you happy? Really think about it and let me just clarify the question:  I don’t mean have you experienced happiness or do you experience happiness from time to time. Such as in those fleeting moments in life where we feel happy such as: when we land our dream job, fall in love, being with our family, buying a new car, on vacation, receiving validation from someone or something that means a lot to us.

Most people rely on outside circumstances to dictate when they get to experience moments of happiness For a moment, let’s reflect on those times where circumstances allow us to experience fleeting happiness. How much time would that represent collectively? I am talking about taking all those moments that were spent happy. We may think that during our vacation we were completely happy the whole time, but what about the stress of getting to the airport on time? Worrying about whether we packed the right things? How about the mix up at the hotel? Or when we finally arrived at the beach and it rained? Those moments are not happy moments spent, so those times would not be included in when we calculate the total amount of time experiencing happiness. So, when you think about it like that, how much time would be represented? Would it represent hours? A few days? Maybe a week or month? Ok, let’s just say for the sake of argument, 6 months? That is 4,368 hours.

Remember, a month is 720 hours you get to be happy in all of your life yet there is 692,499.78 hours in the average life span of 79 years. Would that be a good estimate?

What if I told you that you could experience happiness regardless of what circumstances you find yourself facing. No matter what life throws you, you could still experience and retain happiness, peace and fulfillment in the face of all things no matter how unfortunate. Picture that for a moment. Calculate how much time that is: to put it simply the answer is: all the time.

What would you experience of life be then? What would you be capable of then? Just take a moment and think about it. Pretty awesome, huh?

Now, let me take a moment to talk about success, because I can hear some of you thinking: “Boy, if I just had more success in my life, I’d be HAPPY!” Really?? Hmmm, let’s look at some of those public figures in society that had success: Elvis Presley: happy? No. In fact, many people said he really struggled to find happiness after his mother died.

I just read a book about Errol Flynn the famous movie star of the 30s, 40s, 50s? He had it all: great looks, an exciting creative career as an actor, money, a house on Mulholland Hills, women. Happy? No. I wouldn’t say someone is happy when at the peak of their success they were contemplating suicide with a bottle of Vodka in one hand and a revolver in the other.

Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams, Janice Joplin, Marilyn Monroe, Howard Hughes, Casey Johnson (heiress to Johnson & Johnson) Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Jesse Livermore (the “wonder boy” of Wall Street) and the list is almost inexhaustible, all unhappy. All of them “had it all”.  Or did they? Really you could say they actually had nothing because they had not found happiness in their lives. Success is over-rated. Happiness is under-rated, in our country. With happiness you can create success. You can not create happiness out of success!

If we are happy in life our life changes dramatically. In fact, EVERYTHING changes in all the ways we want it to be. We experience: peace, happiness, success, serendipity (luck), synchronicity, fulfillment (perfect timing and flow in our lives and more. So, not only do people reach their destinations but the journey is awe-inspiring and fulfilling!

When I work with my clients, the first thing I do is get them to powerfully tap into their own happiness and fulfillment from within. The attainment of things and the achievements they are also interested in follow naturally and quite effortlessly.

You see, what I offer as a manifestation specialist goes way over and beyond goal setting and positive thinking. I am speaking about tapping into your personal power to materialize anything you want to experience in your life without having to take into consideration perceived limitations such as resources like money,  education or opportunities.  I’ll give you a great example: I had a client a few years ago who wanted to open her own real estate business but didn’t have any money whatsoever to do so. After working for real estate companies for many years, she was certain she no longer wanted to work for someone else. She wanted to own and lead her own business. Through working with the AOM system, within 2 months she materialized her business for free. She was literally gifted a 35 year old established business without effort – it just fell into her lap!

Here’s another one. I was working with a couple who wanted to build their dream home. They had saved the money to build the home but they didn’t have the money for the breath-taking piece of land they had set their heart on. Within a month and a half a friend of theirs bought 20 acres of the very land they wanted to build their house on. When they told their friend how they loved the same land as much as she did, the friend gave them 2.5 acres to build their home on free of charge! Their friend said it was worth giving them the land knowing who their neighbor would be.

I had another client come to me broken down by the recent break-up with his fiancé of 3 years. He was literally in tears and inconsolable. Within 2 weeks of working together, the aspiring musician received an offer to join the writing team for a top #1 female singer. I recall him describing how the offer came suddenly right out of the blue! I completely understood how this miracle came about through his working the AOM system. When we reviewed his 30 days I had to remind him that he also healed his broken heart. He had totally forgotten about that his life was so unrecognizable!

 

Client testimonials

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Sterling's AOM system has been life altering! I'm so grateful to have her my life. The results have been so powerful, I've put everyone I know into her program. This program is for everyone and I wish the whole world would sign up for it!

Dina A.

Cairo, Egypt

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Once I started the AOM System, magic and miracles began to manifest immediately! Incredible and UNBELIEVABLE new opportunities came pouring in!

 Sofia G.

San Francisco 

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Once working AOM System, I am more balanced, focused, happy and trusting in the life that I am creating. Doors open; life falls into the space that you have created for it. It's a practical approach that is grounding and successful, and it is simple to apply!

 Jennifer E.

Sydney, Australia

Pretty astonishing? Doesn’t even seem quite possible, right? These people have tapped into a realm of being that most of us have never experienced and don’t even know exist. These people are just like you and me. They come from all walks of life and all kinds of cultures. Consider that you have no idea of what you are actually capable of experiencing and doing in life until you have tapped into and accessed your unlimited, expansive power! If it all starts with you, what could possible be more important than YOU!

Solutions for New Year's Resolutions

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NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS - TOP 10 TIPS FOR KEEPING ON TRACK!

Written by Sterling Mire

As a practicing spiritual manifestation life coach, I am often approached by clients who seek to fulfill important goals. Through my unique Art of Manifestation program, I am able to help them attain these goals when they create their wonderful New Year. Most of my clients wish to make lasting New Year’s resolutions stick. But how do they do it?

It's an exciting time to create New Year’s resolutions, right? Maybe yours include taking time to exercise, engaging socially with friends, attending MeetUp groups, eating healthier, saving money, taking a vacation, managing stress, taking an art class or hobby, helping others or simply taking more time out for you! It can also be a confronting time when we think about our past, unfulfilled New Year's resolutions. How do we keep these new resolutions from falling to the wayside? I've created an easy Top 10 Tips list for keeping your New Year's resolutions right on track!

1. Be sure it is something you can truly commit to.

Be honest with yourself. Is it something you truly want or does it just sound good on paper? Create resolutions that which inspires you the most at this time. Don't overwhelm yourself with too many commitments. Take on resolutions that light you up the most. Once those have come into being you can create more even before the year is up. It doesn't have to be a New Year to keep creating a new life for yourself.

2. Keep your focus

Don’t go unconscious - Start your day with morning visualizations that will set you up for your day. Keep seeing yourself in the desired results and reaping the benefits of your New Year's resolutions. This will keep you on track and will have you connecting with the experience of doing it and experiencing the results.

3. Keep a daily gratitude diary.

Implement your New Year's Resolutions into your daily plans or weekly plans. Schedule it into your day and write about that which you have that you are grateful for at the end of the day. This keeps gratitude present and alive for you and will help keep you on target.

4. Tell others

We want others to see our best side. We want to share stories of success, not failure. Telling others what you are up will keep you accountable to your word. So when someone asks you how your new workout routine is going you can reply by saying "Great!".

5. Be determined.

Do not let anything take you off track. Do not let anyone, including yourself, talk you into allowing old habits to creep back in. It's easy to go back to what is familiar to us, but what is familiar may have comforting factors it is ultimately unfulfilling. Remember, it takes a little time for your new year's resolutions to become what is familiar to you AND what is satisfying as well. Also, if you get off track, simply admit to it and get back on track without making yourself wrong. It really is that simple.

6. Take bite-sized action.

Commit yourself to one month, if you feel overwhelmed with the commitment you’ve made. After one month, access whether you’d like to take on another month. Repeat this action. It’s a little trick we can play on ourselves because it takes approximately 21 days for change to occur and for something to become more habitual and second nature. By the time a month is over chances are we’ve acclimated it into our life-style and by then slipping back into our old ways may prove to be harder than you think! Also, remember: Consistency is the key. If we can be consistent for a period of time the rest is easy. Plus the headway we make and the results we experience is enough to strengthen our commitment – for good.

7. Use the buddy system

Having a friend fulfilling on the same resolutions as yours is another way to stay on the path! There are lots of resolutions that could involve a buddy such as: exercising, meeting new people, eating healthy, quitting bad habits, hobbies, just to name a few. When we have someone else sharing the same goals it can keep us in check by having someone else depending on us to fulfill. We don’t want to let our friend down or set a bad example, right? Our friends rely on us to reach our goals and fulfilling on our goal is twice as sweet with someone else celebrating the same results. Even if are New Year’s resolutions don’t involve others, we can still share our goals to have that added support.

8. Visual reminders

Put images of what you desire everywhere. On the frig, in the bathroom, on your desk, on your screensaver, in your wallet, in your car. Where ever you spend time, put a visual reminder of what you want to come to fruition.

9. Reward yourself

At least once a week, do something extra special for yourself as a reward for keeping to your goals. Maybe it's an inexpensive massage, having a sweet treat, buying yourself a piece of clothing, or something adventurous like horse-back riding, or maybe simply taking a scenic drive all on your own!

10. Acknowledge yourself.

Give yourself credit for taking on new habits and choosing to make lifestyle changes. That alone is the first step towards success.( Remind yourself you are worth it) Keep moving in the right direction and you will find yourself fulfilling on those "hard to keep" New Year's Resolutions in no time!

 New Year's resolutions don't have to be a daunting experience it simply takes some practice and a little effort. Applying these tips can make the difference between making your New Year’s resolutions stick or breaking them. Before your new year is up, these resolutions will seem like second nature and you will not only be reaping the benefits of your New Year's resolutions but you will be saying "hello" to a new you and a new way of life! Even the simplest things can seem hard to change because we are creatures of habit but that doesn’t mean we can’t change and the good news about being creatures of habit is once these new changes take, it is a lot harder to change back to our old ways and old self!

The Power of Humility

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Written by Sterling Mire

Practicing the art of humility in our lives allows us access to so many answers to our questions and to the endless gifts others have to share with us. Life is richer, more colorful and experienced in a satisfying way.

Very few people today even know what the word humility means and the value of it. Why is being humble such a powerful and extraordinary way of being? When we are being humble, we are demonstrating quiet confidence. We know we are no better or lesser than anyone else. We know we have access to our own personal power and therefore, do not have anything to prove, because we just know we are.

When we practice being humble, we open ourselves up to the world and allow ourselves to grow and learn things that serve our evolution. Our greatest leaders in the world practice humility: Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, Abraham Lincoln, Jesus Christ, Stephen Hawking, just to name a few. Being humble opens up a world of possibilities that other wise could never be. It also keeps life itself a fascinating, curious, awe-inspiring adventure. We are also given the gift of connectedness with our fellow human beings – a very fulfilling experience! Humble people know the value of everything that exists in the world. They can observe life and appreciate everything about it.

Humble people are strong, charismatic and powerful.  They have access to providing solutions towards the betterment of the outer world, and in turn, bettering their own inner world.  When we are practicing being humble, we shift from being driven by the limitations of the ego and are able to soar limitlessly through the higher wisdom that lies within all of us.  We are free. We are able to create our existence without constraints or restrictions. We are at the helm of directing our lives to anywhere we desire.

Humility is a balance between being worthy and yet seeing the worth in everyone and everything in life.

The Source Disconnect

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Written by Sterling Mire

 

There are times when we unconsciously disconnect from the source of all creation in an effort to escape pain that comes from confronting our issues.

 

There are times when we feel helpless and ineffective in our lives. These are the times we become disconnected from the source of all authentic creative expression. Often the reason for this is self-sabotage.

We unconsciously, yet intentionally, separate ourselves from our source of power rendering us powerless in our own lives. It is all done in an effort to avoid painful issues, although, these issues are calling to us to pay attention, work through, and therefore experience a breakthrough that takes us to a new plateau in our world. This new level of existence allows us to feel stronger, become wiser, become more successful and understand the inner workings of life and our true purpose in life. When we align to our soul’s purpose and take on the challenges that come with our lives, we become more empowered to create that which we are truly excited and inspired to experience.

By unconsciously choosing to disconnect and interrupt the flow of creativity from our source, you are actually choosing to sleepwalk through life and our vision for our lives and future become hazy and scattered. Our creative source has not abandoned you, it was you who chose to abandon it. The choice to reconnect is and always been solely your choice as it was when the choice was made to block and unplug from the source of all creation. Dr. Wayne Dyer goes on to say in his article, “Spiritual Disconnect”., “Ask yourself this key question, “How do I feel most of the time?” If your answer is that you feel anxious, anguished, hurt, depressed, frustrated, and so on, then you have a spiritual disconnect.

When we come back to the source, we are coming back to our true selves. This gives us a sense of being profoundly related to reality, security and the ability to see our lives clearly. We can reconnect by taking ourselves to a place that inspires you like nature. We can also engage in activities that allow us to feel fully alive. What is it that touches, moves and inspires you?
When were the times you felt centered, profoundly blissful and alive? Make a list and work from there. We can also create a powerful intention to reconnect with a 5, 10, 30 minute meditation where ever we are. If you live a busy life, try my Meditation on the Go exercises. They are pocket-sized meditations but deliver powerful results in just minutes.

When we’ve lost our connection to the universe, our sense of purpose, direction, fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives become non-existent. We may also feel a total lack in our lives: lack of love, lack of energy and a lack of motivation. Yet, we can always remember who we really are by restoring our connection whenever we are ready. When it’s time to come alive again and soar we will be experiencing a whole new level in life richer in experience and knowledge, less fearful next time we are called into looking at our lives and confronting what’s not working.

 

 

 

Rebirth is the Energy of Spring

                                                               BY STERLING MIRE   Spring is the season in our lives for rebirth and renewing – physically and spiritually.   It is the first month of spring in our year of 2018. You may even sense that it is time to spring clean your home or feel an urge to let go and begin anew. I am noticing that nature is signaling this movement forward and we can follow its lead. Just the yesterday, I noticed a beautiful plant with a single azure colored flower was blooming within a concrete crack. A sign that even if there is pressure around us we can still penetrate the forces within us that wants to hold us back and spring forth a new branch of ourselves.  I have recently removed carpeting and installed hardwood floors in my home and also filled up at least six huge bags of clothes and other things to donate from my home. I want to be lighter and hold on to less stuff – physically, emotionally and spiritually. While doing so, it caused me to reevaluate my priorities, and notice I am ready to welcome in new things, people, events and situations into my life. I feel like I am really in the here and now, not bogged down with what was.  Below I have highlighted four of our services to help you clear, organize, and bring more beauty into your own life. All services are powerful in their own right. See which one speaks to you – in the here and now.    The AOM System  by Get Your Life Now. This is one of our all-time best-selling services. Receive powerful tools to free yourself from past burdens emerging in the bright light of the future, unencumbered and inspired to move into the destiny of your dreams. This revolutionary system is everything you need to live the life you envision – quickly, effortlessly and joyously.  This 30 day course will transform  all  areas of your life. Available in person or via phone, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Google Hangouts and FaceBook.   ReNew You  by Intuitive Life by Sterling is a one time session either in person or via phone or live video as all services are offered. Start anew, start fresh, re-invent your relationship to anything in your life into a place of total empowerment. Move from being held back to total freedom!   Life Coaching on the Go!  By Intuitive Life by Sterling. This 4 week course allows you to go at your own pace. Each week you will be given a new course that is designed to create a break-though in your life. These exercises are fun, easy and can be done anywhere/anytime and as many times as you’d like to create the empowering results you are looking for. Enjoy this online course at a special spring rate of 50% off!   Refresh – 15 min. Green Guided Meditation  – a free gift from Intuitive Life by Sterling. Download this fast-acting meditation to any device and enjoy its restorative powers.  I want to thank all of you for the wonderful open-hearted feedback and “thank you” messages sharing stories of your own personal break-through’s and achievements. It is such an honor and privilege to know and work with you!  Magical miracles,   Sterling Mire   

 

                                                            BY STERLING MIRE

Spring is the season in our lives for rebirth and renewing – physically and spiritually.

It is the first month of spring in our year of 2018. You may even sense that it is time to spring clean your home or feel an urge to let go and begin anew. I am noticing that nature is signaling this movement forward and we can follow its lead. Just the yesterday, I noticed a beautiful plant with a single azure colored flower was blooming within a concrete crack. A sign that even if there is pressure around us we can still penetrate the forces within us that wants to hold us back and spring forth a new branch of ourselves.

I have recently removed carpeting and installed hardwood floors in my home and also filled up at least six huge bags of clothes and other things to donate from my home. I want to be lighter and hold on to less stuff – physically, emotionally and spiritually. While doing so, it caused me to reevaluate my priorities, and notice I am ready to welcome in new things, people, events and situations into my life. I feel like I am really in the here and now, not bogged down with what was.

Below I have highlighted four of our services to help you clear, organize, and bring more beauty into your own life. All services are powerful in their own right. See which one speaks to you – in the here and now. 

The AOM System by Get Your Life Now. This is one of our all-time best-selling services. Receive powerful tools to free yourself from past burdens emerging in the bright light of the future, unencumbered and inspired to move into the destiny of your dreams. This revolutionary system is everything you need to live the life you envision – quickly, effortlessly and joyously.  This 30 day course will transform all areas of your life. Available in person or via phone, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Google Hangouts and FaceBook.

ReNew You by Intuitive Life by Sterling is a one time session either in person or via phone or live video as all services are offered. Start anew, start fresh, re-invent your relationship to anything in your life into a place of total empowerment. Move from being held back to total freedom!

Life Coaching on the Go! By Intuitive Life by Sterling. This 4 week course allows you to go at your own pace. Each week you will be given a new course that is designed to create a break-though in your life. These exercises are fun, easy and can be done anywhere/anytime and as many times as you’d like to create the empowering results you are looking for. Enjoy this online course at a special spring rate of 50% off!

Refresh – 15 min. Green Guided Meditation – a free gift from Intuitive Life by Sterling. Download this fast-acting meditation to any device and enjoy its restorative powers.

I want to thank all of you for the wonderful open-hearted feedback and “thank you” messages sharing stories of your own personal break-through’s and achievements. It is such an honor and privilege to know and work with you!

Magical miracles, 

Sterling Mire

 

Avoidance....Avoidance....Avoidance.

                           by sterling mire   When we summon up the courage that lives within us and confront the things we want to avoid we then have access to breakthroughs and growth that otherwise would have been impossible.   We’ve all had the experience of taking on something we dread only to discover a sense of accomplishment and empowerment on the other side of completion. We uncover the confidence and strength that was lying dormant within us. We awaken our true spirit and part of the reason we are here. It’s a wonderful opportunity to learn that what we fear is actually nothing to fear at all. Instead we feel free, enlivened and renewed.  If we chose to put something off or avoid it because it scares us or causes us to feel stopped inside it may be because we think that it will cause something to change that we are not ready to experience. This is a false illusion and the way we know this is by the obstacles in life that show up when we choose avoidance. We are off-track but unclear as to why. The fear that stops us is why. The acronym for fear is False Experience Appearing Real. We actually feel lighter and relieved when we complete something we didn’t want to. Alternatively, if we choose to remain in our comfort zone we will take ourselves off our synchronistic path connected to the source of all creation and our lives won’t work as we intend or desire.  In this moment, there is at least one thing we have in our lives that is currently left undone. Making that task top priority and completing before all else (or as soon as possible) will liberate us, invigorate us, and re-create who we identify ourselves to be. We will unleash incredible energy within our lives that will fuel us for our future with confidence!

                           by sterling mire

When we summon up the courage that lives within us and confront the things we want to avoid we then have access to breakthroughs and growth that otherwise would have been impossible.

We’ve all had the experience of taking on something we dread only to discover a sense of accomplishment and empowerment on the other side of completion. We uncover the confidence and strength that was lying dormant within us. We awaken our true spirit and part of the reason we are here. It’s a wonderful opportunity to learn that what we fear is actually nothing to fear at all. Instead we feel free, enlivened and renewed.

If we chose to put something off or avoid it because it scares us or causes us to feel stopped inside it may be because we think that it will cause something to change that we are not ready to experience. This is a false illusion and the way we know this is by the obstacles in life that show up when we choose avoidance. We are off-track but unclear as to why. The fear that stops us is why. The acronym for fear is False Experience Appearing Real. We actually feel lighter and relieved when we complete something we didn’t want to. Alternatively, if we choose to remain in our comfort zone we will take ourselves off our synchronistic path connected to the source of all creation and our lives won’t work as we intend or desire.

In this moment, there is at least one thing we have in our lives that is currently left undone. Making that task top priority and completing before all else (or as soon as possible) will liberate us, invigorate us, and re-create who we identify ourselves to be. We will unleash incredible energy within our lives that will fuel us for our future with confidence!

5 Ways to Let Go of Pain - Be Free!

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WRITTEN BY STERLING MIRE

Giving something up can be the way to having everything.

Let’s face it – life hurts. There is no human being on the planet that hasn’t experienced emotional pain and/or trauma.

It’s an awful experience. Yes, agreed.

So, there is pain and what you do with pain is what is most important. Wouldn’t you rather be living your life fully again? Enjoying all that is wonderful and awe-inspiring or be stopped by the past incident that cannot be undone and continue suffering over it? No one truly wants to suffer so let’s explore the alternative.

Putting the blame on others is a seemingly easy enough way to handle the situation. We feel like someone let us down or did us wrong and we are owed an apology. We think they need to “own up” to what they did.

"Blaming others and not taking responsibility for ourselves is the fastest way to being powerless in our lives and leaves us stuck with anger, resentment and no resolving of the pain we feel."

Yes, you have valid feelings. It’s important to acknowledge them and express them fully but put a limit on how long you feel them. You can even say to yourself, “For the next 15-30 minutes I am going to cry my eyes out, write in my diary or say out loud how I feel and feel it 100% and then I am going to move forward with my day/night”. Getting into the habit of indulging in your grief is a vicious cycle. Remember, you are the one hurting more than the other person if you continue to “live” your pain over and over. It’s a balance. A balance of embracing what’s there for you to express and putting it away for the rest of the day or preferably resolving it and moving on.

5 Ways to Move Through Pain

The pathway to happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in your life is to make room for it. If you are full of sadness, anger, bitterness how can the opposite show up for you?

1. Make a choice to let go

Things do not resolve themselves without you choosing it. If you avoid making a conscious effort to move on you could be setting yourself up to continue to keep the pain alive and drag it around in your life and even effecting your outer world in a negative way.

Choosing to let it go also means you are accepting that you have the choice to do so. You can decide to stop playing the story over and over in your mind every time you think of that person.

2. As mentioned before, an important step to moving on is expressing your pain. Find ways that are satisfying and healthy. Experiment with the tips mentioned above. Find a great listener, someone who you look up to.

Even though you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the pain you’ve experienced, look to see what you are responsible for. What can you learn from this experience and do differently in the future? Choosing to be less free and trusting is not necessarily a great choice versus being more aware of what is actually being communicated before all hurt broke loose. Learn to really understand and get to know people before “jumping in”. The most successful relationships were built as friendships where mutual respect and admiration can grow. Consider taking communication classes. Ultimately, will you choose to become wiser from the experience or a victim?

3. Don’t choose to be a victim, choose to be a winning warrior

Being a victim can feel pretty good. We don’t have to take responsibility or take a good look at ourselves. But being a victim is like donning a costume of a decrepit zombie and that is just not who we authentically are. Your feelings are worthy but when we allow ourselves to wallow in them it becomes at the expense of everyone else in the world and we all matter – equally.

The good news is that we have a choice in every given moment. We can continue to feel bad about someone else’s actions (or lack of actions) or decide to feel GOOD! Taking responsibility for your own happiness is power and giving your power over to someone else to determine how you feel is absurd. No amount of obsessively thinking about a painful situation has ever fixed a relationship issue. So why choose it?

4. Be Here Now – In the Present Moment

Do you really know what it feels like to be powerfully present in the now? How liberating, freeing and just good it feels? Here’s an exercise that will help you get related to reality – now.

Either out loud or in your head notice 5 things you hear (if there are not five you can repeat something). Now, 5 things you see and 5 things you physically feel. Repeat the same exercise working your way down to 1.  5-4-3-2-1. When you’ve completed the exercise notice how you feel, your surroundings and your thoughts. Suddenly reality has taken over your imaginings.

5. Forgive Them as Well as Yourself

Perhaps we won’t forget someone’s poor behavior, but everyone is deserving of our forgiveness, including ourselves. Sometimes getting trapped in pain makes it occur like forgiveness isn’t an option, yet it is. Forgiveness is empathy and empathy connects us to the beauty, love and laughter in life. Accepting “what is” doesn’t mean you are agreeing with what happened. That it is ok to happen again and again and again but that it is ok that it happened once. Forgiveness is a true sign of strength because that is actually where strength comes from.

Forgiving yourself is just as important. Identify what you said to yourself about yourself after the breakdown occurred. That is what you want to forgive yourself for. For inventing and taking on a lie as if it is truth. Anything disempowering is inauthentic to who we truly are. Create something new, the truth, to live by.

Although letting go takes an effort. It requires us to be courageous, to be committed to our happiness and health. Everyday you hold on to pain is another day lost to it. Go ahead. You can do it. Choose to implement these exercises in your life and set yourself, and everyone else, free!

 

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Is it Love or Longing?

                                                   Written by Sterling Mire   When we experience the emotion love in its purest form we feel whole and complete, totally fulfilled wherever we are and despite whatever is going on in our outer world.   Do you ever get that feeling of emptiness within, longing for someone or something to love within your life? The holiday season may illicit feelings of loss or longing.  We often feel like our happiness depends on it and even may feel our lives can not move forward until we fill that void. We think that the love we are looking for will set us free and give us a reason for living our lives in a fulfilling way and in a way, yes, we are correct yet the love we seek resides within us not outside of us even though the illusion tells us otherwise.  A sense of longing is actually inauthentic to our true selves. Longing says something is missing when the truth is we are whole and complete at all times. Love is who we essentially are. We came into the world with a sense of unbroken love radiating within us.  As babies we felt connected to that endless love. It just is. We just were  being  pure love at all times. Yes, we needed our basic physical needs looked after but our energy was pure love until we reached the stage of development were there was a break in that sense of belonging - of feeling whole and complete.   "Somewhere along the line we lost the connection to the love we are. It’s still there even though we may not experience the connection to it. It never went anywhere, we just need to re-connect to it."    Practicing self-love by cultivating and nurturing it within ourselves helps us to bridge the gap that got created. Experiencing love for what is around us connects us to our authentic love-filled selves. Providing us with the satisfying experience of being fulfilled, fully alive, grateful – all aspects of love being expressed.  Ahead are tips for cultivating and re-connecting to self-love, the source of living a fulfilling and happy life.  Distinguishing self-love from narcissism:  Simply put, self-love places focus on the inner and outer worlds connecting the two.  Narcissism is focusing on oneself with the exclusion of everyone and everything else.  Accessing self-love:  ·      Practice gratitude for everything  ·      Finding the beauty within yourself and outside in the world that surrounds us  ·      Paying attention to and taking care of your needs and wants, physically emotionally and spiritually  ·      Acknowledging and appreciating all that you are, not all that you aren’t and all that you do, not all that you don’t do not matter how insignificant it appears  ·      Honoring and speaking up for what works for you and what doesn’t  ·      Creating boundaries when it comes to what and who we let into our lives whether it be a distressing news report, negative people, or unhealthy consumption of any kind  ·      Allow your self to keep growing and view challenges as opportunities for breakthroughs  ·      Being keeping your promises whether they are made to ourselves or others  ·      Taking responsibility for the way our lives are is power. So if something we created in our lives isn’t aligned to what we are truly up to experiencing we are free to create something else and make different choices  ·      Be kind and forgiving towards yourself yet make an effort to learn from your mistakes and hold yourself accountable for improving  ·      Give yourself a safe space to express and experiencing your emotions by letting them flow through you without holding on to them                  

                                                   Written by Sterling Mire

When we experience the emotion love in its purest form we feel whole and complete, totally fulfilled wherever we are and despite whatever is going on in our outer world.

Do you ever get that feeling of emptiness within, longing for someone or something to love within your life? The holiday season may illicit feelings of loss or longing.  We often feel like our happiness depends on it and even may feel our lives can not move forward until we fill that void. We think that the love we are looking for will set us free and give us a reason for living our lives in a fulfilling way and in a way, yes, we are correct yet the love we seek resides within us not outside of us even though the illusion tells us otherwise.

A sense of longing is actually inauthentic to our true selves. Longing says something is missing when the truth is we are whole and complete at all times. Love is who we essentially are. We came into the world with a sense of unbroken love radiating within us.  As babies we felt connected to that endless love. It just is. We just were being pure love at all times. Yes, we needed our basic physical needs looked after but our energy was pure love until we reached the stage of development were there was a break in that sense of belonging - of feeling whole and complete.

"Somewhere along the line we lost the connection to the love we are. It’s still there even though we may not experience the connection to it. It never went anywhere, we just need to re-connect to it."

 Practicing self-love by cultivating and nurturing it within ourselves helps us to bridge the gap that got created. Experiencing love for what is around us connects us to our authentic love-filled selves. Providing us with the satisfying experience of being fulfilled, fully alive, grateful – all aspects of love being expressed.

Ahead are tips for cultivating and re-connecting to self-love, the source of living a fulfilling and happy life.

Distinguishing self-love from narcissism:

Simply put, self-love places focus on the inner and outer worlds connecting the two.

Narcissism is focusing on oneself with the exclusion of everyone and everything else.

Accessing self-love:

·      Practice gratitude for everything

·      Finding the beauty within yourself and outside in the world that surrounds us

·      Paying attention to and taking care of your needs and wants, physically emotionally and spiritually

·      Acknowledging and appreciating all that you are, not all that you aren’t and all that you do, not all that you don’t do not matter how insignificant it appears

·      Honoring and speaking up for what works for you and what doesn’t

·      Creating boundaries when it comes to what and who we let into our lives whether it be a distressing news report, negative people, or unhealthy consumption of any kind

·      Allow your self to keep growing and view challenges as opportunities for breakthroughs

·      Being keeping your promises whether they are made to ourselves or others

·      Taking responsibility for the way our lives are is power. So if something we created in our lives isn’t aligned to what we are truly up to experiencing we are free to create something else and make different choices

·      Be kind and forgiving towards yourself yet make an effort to learn from your mistakes and hold yourself accountable for improving

·      Give yourself a safe space to express and experiencing your emotions by letting them flow through you without holding on to them

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holiday Thriving versus Surviving!

We all need a guide.  The first thing is to really be ready to be related with the people that you’re there with, and out to cause something extraordinary with people.  We can have all the dinners, we can have all the decorations, and gift-giving and receiving but really what’s at the heart of a great holiday, no matter how great the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, what makes or breaks a holiday is the relationships we have with people and whether we enjoy the people or not.  So what we really want to focus on is how to really have extraordinary relationships with the people we’re with, whoever we’re spending the holidays with. You may ask yourself, “How do you do that when you don’t even want to go?”  I had that experience myself once at a birthday party.  I was invited someplace, rather obligated to go just because of all the different circumstances, a place I really didn’t want to go.  Here’s what I resolved for myself.  As I was going there, I said, "Okay.  You’re going to have a better time than you think you can have," and then I rang the doorbell and walked in the door with that commitment in place, like really, "Okay," and when I walked in the door, just having committed to have a better time that I thought I could have, and I ended up meeting new people that were instrumental to my future! It was great!  I think every time we go someplace, we have a preconceived notion of how good it’s going to be.  We have a preconceived notion of how enjoyable it’s going to be.  So the first thing would be to just get committed to you’re going have a better time than you think you’re going have, and then walk in the door looking for the opportunity for that.  And if you walk in the door looking for the opportunity to have a better time than you think you’re going have, guess what?  I think you’ll find a lot of ways to do that.  My clients often ask me what to do when someone says something to you that makes you mad but you don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone?    "There are actually three things you could do but there’s only one of them that really works."    One thing you could do is argue, right?  You could.  Somebody says something that makes you mad, and you just want to – you just can hardly stand it.  You just so want to let them know that what they said was wrong. You could come back with your best, best, best answer that really proves how wrong they are, except guess what?  You’ll end up in an argument because then they have to defend themselves and then you have to defend yourself, then they have to defend themselves, and we know where that one goes. So that doesn’t work.  Another thing people often try is to not say anything, just try to grit your teeth and grin and bear it, but you really are holding onto it and you still let it shape you, like whatever they said really does ruin your day because that’s all you’re thinking about, all you’re stewing about, and even though you’re not responding, it’s totally shaping you.  You’re succumbing to it.  That doesn’t work, either, because your day’s still ruined.  There’s a third thing you can do, which is – it sounds simple but it really is profound.  It’s just to let it go by.  Let it go.  Sometimes I imagine being a bullfighter where you just – what you don’t do with a bull, you don’t argue with it, right? Yet you don’t lay down and let it run over you.  Look at matadors. They are masters at just stepping out of the way and letting things go by.  I think sometimes we think we have to deal with everything that people say, but people say things they don’t even mean.  People say things that they didn’t intend to be upsetting, and a lot of it, especially around the holidays – I think this is all the time, but especially around the holidays.  Let some of it go by.  Just let it go by, step out of the way, and then stay right there in the conversation and just committed to what you’re committed to causing in terms of your friendship and your relationship with that person.  Now, if somebody says something that’s really irritating to you and you let it go by, how do you not let that fester? You simply have to relate to it for what it is.  It’s just something they said.  One of the things that always makes something worse is not what they say but what we have what they say mean.  So there’s a difference between what somebody says and then what it means to us.  In other words, the story we make up about what they said or the interpretation we have of what they said and it’s really important to separate those two out.  There’s what they said and then there’s what we have it mean.  And those are two different things.  I’ll give you an example, if somebody said, for instance, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Suppose there you are, you’ve got the table set, and your mother-in-law says, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Now, that’s what she said.  What somebody could and probably would have that mean is, "She doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t honor that this is my home, she never thinks anything I do is good enough for her son." Right?  On and on and on.  It could be any of those things.  Now, really, though, the statement, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," is a pretty simple statement that is just a statement about what she would’ve or wouldn’t have done, and if you can keep it for what it is, just a statement, and keep separate everything you had it mean and you’ll notice that all of the upset every bit of the upset is in actually what we have it mean, not what they actually said.  How do you appreciate someone if you’re mad at them?  Why should we appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why we choose to appreciate someone even if we’re mad at them is because where if we really look at relationships, when we’re satisfied in a relationship is when we love who we’re  being .    "We put a lot of focus on how the other person is treating us, but you know what?  Even if someone’s not treating us well, if we love who we’re being, we’re actually pretty satisfied. The opposite is also true, isn’t it?  Which is that if somebody’s being great with us but then we’re pretty cranky with them, then even them being great with us doesn’t make a difference for us because we’re still cranky,"    So to really take on, even when you’re, especially when you’re mad at somebody, is to appreciate them and find something to appreciate about them at the very least. it’s really simple.  That them being there gives you an opportunity to be somebody, to be somebody you love being, gives you an opportunity to be generous or it gives you an opportunity to be loving. Even the ones that make you the maddest, those are the ones that give you the biggest opportunity to be somebody really great.  If we really study relationships, one of the things you notice is that the whole point of other people like the opportunity of people, of being with people, is that without them there, we don’t get to be somebody, and the quality of our life comes from who we get to be with people.  So it’s right there, so why appreciate somebody you’re mad at is because you’ll end up being really happy with yourself and therefore even happy with them through your own empowerment about who you are choosing to be within the circumstance.  Last week I had a client say to me, "My husband’s so controlling, how can I have a happy holiday if he tries to control everything?"  There are two things here.  If you know that about your husband, if you know, from holidays from the past, one of the things that really works is to, ahead of holidays, ask him everything that he wants so that you actually know what he wants and he has some – he gets to say what’s important to him before the holidays ever get there so that he already knows you’re committed that he gets what he wants and then at the holiday itself, I kind of always have a theory called ride the horse the way the horse is going. The more you would fight it or the more you would resist, probably the more controlling he’s going to try to be because he’s going to be fighting back then.  If you really just keep looking for it, there’s something that’s important to him, something. People only try to be controlling because there’s something important to them, and if you can just listen for and try to hear what’s really important to him and then make sure he gets it or make sure that he knows that you’re committed that he gets it, then guess what happens?  He starts paying attention to what’s important to you and that you get that as well.  Two things, again.  One is, if at all possible, before the holidays ever happen, sit down, talk about what’s going to be important to each other at the holidays and what’s going be important to your husband so that he knows that he knows in advance that you’re out to make sure he gets a really great holiday that he wants.  Then when the holiday’s happening itself, just keep trying to hear, when he’s being controlling, what is important to him and how can I make sure he knows that I’m committed that he gets that, and then I promise, it really is amazing how much then the other person starts wanting to make sure you get what you want, too.  Here’s another question I’ve been asked, "My mother-in-law doesn’t make me feel welcome.  I don’t want to go.  How do I survive that?"  One of the things there, I think is that I wouldn’t take it personally.  If the mother-in-law’s not making you feel welcome, I bet, I really would bet a lot of money, that the mother-in-law’s concerned about something you don’t even know she’s concerned about.  For instance, it may have nothing to do with you.  Maybe she’s concerned about how her house looks or maybe she’s concerned about how her food is or maybe she’s concerned about how she and her husband are getting along in front of you.  There’s a whole number of things.  Maybe your mother-in-law’s concerned about getting older.  There’s a whole number of things that she could be concerned about, and when people are concerned about something, they often don’t – aren’t able to make another person feel welcome around them. One of the first things I do is to not take it personal and would, again, just have some compassion that probably that person is concerned about something and give they’re concerned about it, they’re not having an easy time being with you.  The more you can just be at ease with them and make it safe for them to be with you, then the more they’ll be able to be at ease with you, and guess what?  Then you’ll have the experience of being welcomed.  I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Listening to people.  When you really listen to people, they get really – they’re just grateful for it.  A lot of times we think what’s important is what we say to other people.  I’ve found that that is very important, what we say is very important and we want to make sure that what we say really is always empowering of others.  On the other side of it, there’s listening to people and really listening to somebody.  I’ve always found people, I know for myself, if somebody really listens to me, I’m always grateful afterward.  Sometimes, especially if somebody’s not making you feel welcome, there’s something that they want to say or there’s something that they’ve got to say that if you could just listen to, they would be grateful that you’re there, and then, again, you’d have the experience of being really welcomed.  No matter what they’re talking about, because sometimes they talk about something that doesn’t seem important or they can be talking about the weather or sometimes they’re upset and their visibly upset.  Whatever is going on right there, if they’re talking about the weather, listen to that. If they’re talking about how the dinner’s going, listen to that.  If they’re talking about something they’re upset about, listen to that.  When I say listen, I really do mean give them your attention so that they know, and maybe even ask them questions, but even if it’s something, they just make a comment about the weather, just acknowledge that you heard them.  People also really appreciate being acknowledged for the “good” that they are. Acknowledging people for their better attributes or way of being in life actually helps them to connect to that side of themselves in the present moment and that paves a way for them to move forward in extraordinary ways allowing you to have an extraordinary and memorable experience and holiday with them.  Happy Holidays!

We all need a guide.  The first thing is to really be ready to be related with the people that you’re there with, and out to cause something extraordinary with people.  We can have all the dinners, we can have all the decorations, and gift-giving and receiving but really what’s at the heart of a great holiday, no matter how great the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, what makes or breaks a holiday is the relationships we have with people and whether we enjoy the people or not.  So what we really want to focus on is how to really have extraordinary relationships with the people we’re with, whoever we’re spending the holidays with. You may ask yourself, “How do you do that when you don’t even want to go?”

I had that experience myself once at a birthday party.  I was invited someplace, rather obligated to go just because of all the different circumstances, a place I really didn’t want to go.  Here’s what I resolved for myself.  As I was going there, I said, "Okay.  You’re going to have a better time than you think you can have," and then I rang the doorbell and walked in the door with that commitment in place, like really, "Okay," and when I walked in the door, just having committed to have a better time that I thought I could have, and I ended up meeting new people that were instrumental to my future! It was great!

I think every time we go someplace, we have a preconceived notion of how good it’s going to be.  We have a preconceived notion of how enjoyable it’s going to be.  So the first thing would be to just get committed to you’re going have a better time than you think you’re going have, and then walk in the door looking for the opportunity for that.  And if you walk in the door looking for the opportunity to have a better time than you think you’re going have, guess what?  I think you’ll find a lot of ways to do that.

My clients often ask me what to do when someone says something to you that makes you mad but you don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone?

"There are actually three things you could do but there’s only one of them that really works."

One thing you could do is argue, right?  You could.  Somebody says something that makes you mad, and you just want to – you just can hardly stand it.  You just so want to let them know that what they said was wrong. You could come back with your best, best, best answer that really proves how wrong they are, except guess what?  You’ll end up in an argument because then they have to defend themselves and then you have to defend yourself, then they have to defend themselves, and we know where that one goes. So that doesn’t work.  Another thing people often try is to not say anything, just try to grit your teeth and grin and bear it, but you really are holding onto it and you still let it shape you, like whatever they said really does ruin your day because that’s all you’re thinking about, all you’re stewing about, and even though you’re not responding, it’s totally shaping you.  You’re succumbing to it.  That doesn’t work, either, because your day’s still ruined.

There’s a third thing you can do, which is – it sounds simple but it really is profound.  It’s just to let it go by.  Let it go.  Sometimes I imagine being a bullfighter where you just – what you don’t do with a bull, you don’t argue with it, right? Yet you don’t lay down and let it run over you.  Look at matadors. They are masters at just stepping out of the way and letting things go by.  I think sometimes we think we have to deal with everything that people say, but people say things they don’t even mean.  People say things that they didn’t intend to be upsetting, and a lot of it, especially around the holidays – I think this is all the time, but especially around the holidays.  Let some of it go by.  Just let it go by, step out of the way, and then stay right there in the conversation and just committed to what you’re committed to causing in terms of your friendship and your relationship with that person.

Now, if somebody says something that’s really irritating to you and you let it go by, how do you not let that fester? You simply have to relate to it for what it is.  It’s just something they said.

One of the things that always makes something worse is not what they say but what we have what they say mean.  So there’s a difference between what somebody says and then what it means to us.  In other words, the story we make up about what they said or the interpretation we have of what they said and it’s really important to separate those two out.  There’s what they said and then there’s what we have it mean.  And those are two different things.

I’ll give you an example, if somebody said, for instance, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Suppose there you are, you’ve got the table set, and your mother-in-law says, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Now, that’s what she said.  What somebody could and probably would have that mean is, "She doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t honor that this is my home, she never thinks anything I do is good enough for her son." Right?  On and on and on.  It could be any of those things.  Now, really, though, the statement, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," is a pretty simple statement that is just a statement about what she would’ve or wouldn’t have done, and if you can keep it for what it is, just a statement, and keep separate everything you had it mean and you’ll notice that all of the upset every bit of the upset is in actually what we have it mean, not what they actually said.

How do you appreciate someone if you’re mad at them?  Why should we appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why we choose to appreciate someone even if we’re mad at them is because where if we really look at relationships, when we’re satisfied in a relationship is when we love who we’re being.

"We put a lot of focus on how the other person is treating us, but you know what?  Even if someone’s not treating us well, if we love who we’re being, we’re actually pretty satisfied. The opposite is also true, isn’t it?  Which is that if somebody’s being great with us but then we’re pretty cranky with them, then even them being great with us doesn’t make a difference for us because we’re still cranky,"

So to really take on, even when you’re, especially when you’re mad at somebody, is to appreciate them and find something to appreciate about them at the very least. it’s really simple.  That them being there gives you an opportunity to be somebody, to be somebody you love being, gives you an opportunity to be generous or it gives you an opportunity to be loving. Even the ones that make you the maddest, those are the ones that give you the biggest opportunity to be somebody really great.

If we really study relationships, one of the things you notice is that the whole point of other people like the opportunity of people, of being with people, is that without them there, we don’t get to be somebody, and the quality of our life comes from who we get to be with people.  So it’s right there, so why appreciate somebody you’re mad at is because you’ll end up being really happy with yourself and therefore even happy with them through your own empowerment about who you are choosing to be within the circumstance.

Last week I had a client say to me, "My husband’s so controlling, how can I have a happy holiday if he tries to control everything?"

There are two things here.  If you know that about your husband, if you know, from holidays from the past, one of the things that really works is to, ahead of holidays, ask him everything that he wants so that you actually know what he wants and he has some – he gets to say what’s important to him before the holidays ever get there so that he already knows you’re committed that he gets what he wants and then at the holiday itself, I kind of always have a theory called ride the horse the way the horse is going. The more you would fight it or the more you would resist, probably the more controlling he’s going to try to be because he’s going to be fighting back then.  If you really just keep looking for it, there’s something that’s important to him, something. People only try to be controlling because there’s something important to them, and if you can just listen for and try to hear what’s really important to him and then make sure he gets it or make sure that he knows that you’re committed that he gets it, then guess what happens?  He starts paying attention to what’s important to you and that you get that as well.

Two things, again.  One is, if at all possible, before the holidays ever happen, sit down, talk about what’s going to be important to each other at the holidays and what’s going be important to your husband so that he knows that he knows in advance that you’re out to make sure he gets a really great holiday that he wants.  Then when the holiday’s happening itself, just keep trying to hear, when he’s being controlling, what is important to him and how can I make sure he knows that I’m committed that he gets that, and then I promise, it really is amazing how much then the other person starts wanting to make sure you get what you want, too.

Here’s another question I’ve been asked, "My mother-in-law doesn’t make me feel welcome.  I don’t want to go.  How do I survive that?"

One of the things there, I think is that I wouldn’t take it personally.  If the mother-in-law’s not making you feel welcome, I bet, I really would bet a lot of money, that the mother-in-law’s concerned about something you don’t even know she’s concerned about.  For instance, it may have nothing to do with you.  Maybe she’s concerned about how her house looks or maybe she’s concerned about how her food is or maybe she’s concerned about how she and her husband are getting along in front of you.  There’s a whole number of things.  Maybe your mother-in-law’s concerned about getting older.  There’s a whole number of things that she could be concerned about, and when people are concerned about something, they often don’t – aren’t able to make another person feel welcome around them. One of the first things I do is to not take it personal and would, again, just have some compassion that probably that person is concerned about something and give they’re concerned about it, they’re not having an easy time being with you.  The more you can just be at ease with them and make it safe for them to be with you, then the more they’ll be able to be at ease with you, and guess what?  Then you’ll have the experience of being welcomed.

I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Listening to people.  When you really listen to people, they get really – they’re just grateful for it.  A lot of times we think what’s important is what we say to other people.  I’ve found that that is very important, what we say is very important and we want to make sure that what we say really is always empowering of others.  On the other side of it, there’s listening to people and really listening to somebody.  I’ve always found people, I know for myself, if somebody really listens to me, I’m always grateful afterward.

Sometimes, especially if somebody’s not making you feel welcome, there’s something that they want to say or there’s something that they’ve got to say that if you could just listen to, they would be grateful that you’re there, and then, again, you’d have the experience of being really welcomed.

No matter what they’re talking about, because sometimes they talk about something that doesn’t seem important or they can be talking about the weather or sometimes they’re upset and their visibly upset.  Whatever is going on right there, if they’re talking about the weather, listen to that. If they’re talking about how the dinner’s going, listen to that.  If they’re talking about something they’re upset about, listen to that.  When I say listen, I really do mean give them your attention so that they know, and maybe even ask them questions, but even if it’s something, they just make a comment about the weather, just acknowledge that you heard them.

People also really appreciate being acknowledged for the “good” that they are. Acknowledging people for their better attributes or way of being in life actually helps them to connect to that side of themselves in the present moment and that paves a way for them to move forward in extraordinary ways allowing you to have an extraordinary and memorable experience and holiday with them.

Happy Holidays!

Dark Places We Find Ourselves In

wizard of oz.jpg

Written by Sterling Mire

 Sometimes it’s the darkness that leads us to our brightest light.

We often just want to go to where we envision our lives to be. We dream, have goals, we create plans and we want to experience it now. We desire happiness, health and success! When life leads us to places we don’t want to go we often interpret it to mean something’s wrong or we’ve made a mistake somehow. The truth is life is doing us a favor by presenting us a breakdown to overcome so we are better equipped for life’s breakthroughs. Difficulties are a sign that we need to wake up and work on something that needs our attention.

Often we need to “hit rock bottom” in order to soar. When we surrender to the process of working out a breakdown we are taking the first step into transformation. It allows us to realize there is something within the domain of what we don’t know we don’t know that creates the humbleness that moves us to discovering something new and necessary for our evolution and growth. Incomplete past experiences that have restricted our world and enslaved us in negativity is what there is to pay attention to. What mental conversations are going on in our mental chatter? These are the clues to what needs to be transformed, what we need to re-construct. Everything can be interpreted either positively or negatively. What are we going to choose? To find the good in what was disappointing and find the lessons we are to learn sets us free. 

As with Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz” we are all on a gold-bricked road that can suddenly turn dark. It’s when we remember that there is no City of Oz that will provide the answers. It is within ourselves that we recognize we are whole and complete, here and now and all answers to whatever we are looking for is all within us. It is here we find the courage, inspiration and perfection that exists everywhere.

Having a mentor or coach is wonderful way to provide guidance and assist us with what we are working on and help identify what we sometimes can not see for ourselves.

Meditation on the Go!

meditation in city image .jpeg

Bust up stress, anxiety and panicky feelings in the middle of your day, in the middle of the city, in the middle of doing something. Be here now and let go anywhere. We all know, it’s not always an easy feat to find a quiet, undisturbed spot to meditate especially when you find yourself in the eye of a stressful storm that comes on unexpectedly. That is why I’ve created these top 3 top ways to meditate while you are on the go!

1. Driving mediation: This is a great way to clear the past and the future, release tension and just be here now while stuck in traffic.  Take a look at what is around you. Chose something to notice. Maybe it’s a billboard, a building or perhaps a person walking down the street.  Just observe it/them without mentally creating opinions, stories, criticisms, etc. Just notice them. Once you feel you have noticed all there is to notice move on to another subject. Continue to do this while you are not having to pay attention to driving. Notice the space that opens up in you. Notice how you are simply being. Notice how life is suddenly manageable and possibly perfect!

2. Sitting Meditation: This meditation is a great way to ground yourself. You can do it while waiting. Waiting for your car to be repaired, waiting in an office reception area, or simply when you need to clear the mental chatter that has gotten so loud you can’t think straight. It’s also a wonderful way to banish anxiety. It’s called, 5,4,3,2,1. Take a full, deep breath from your belly up. After exhaling fully, count 5 things you see, hear and physically feel. Continue the exercise with 4 things you see, hear and physically feel all the way down to 1. It’s ok if you happen to be in quiet place and you only hear 2-3 things, just repeat whatever sound you hear. You will be left feeling profoundly related to reality - the now. Clarity follows and so does peace.

3. Walking Meditation: This one is a little like the driving meditation only you incorporate breathing deeply from the abdomen up while you observe the things you pass. Be with your surroundings. Notice the sky, the birds and whatever else is around you and connect with the beauty of it. If you get really good at this, you will hear nature saying, “Everything is ok” putting you at ease, synchronicity and flow.

Benefits:

1. Builds concentration – we all need this in the ADD world we live in.

2. Learn to automatically release tension – use these exercises frequently and you can learn to immediately drop tension as easily and quickly as flipping a switch.

3. Get out of your “imagination on fire” and get powerfully related to reality.

4. Allows you to be fully present – did you know that charisma is a product of being fully present? Who doesn’t want the charisma of a movie star or hero/heroine?

5. Creates strong connections with others and extraordinary experiences will follow. Get ready to be enchanted!

6. Provides perspective – this is one thing we often want when dealing with the challenging aspects or dilemmas of our lives – some distance.  I say, bring it on!

7. Improves intuition – have you ever wanted the “right” answer to show up? Well, it can and will if there is an empty, unblocked channel for it to show up in what is called your higher self. Also, provides clarity, which promotes peace and offers pathways we couldn’t access otherwise.

There you have it. No more excuses! Learn to meditate anywhere and anytime despite where you are, what is going on around you or how busy you are. It’s easy, very doable and the rewards are instant and plentiful.

Seeking Truth on the Other Side

         We can experience bliss in our world if we have the                                                         knowledge.                                 Written by Sterling Mire  August 8th, just a few days ago, a dear friend of mine lost his life to Cancer. From what I understand, he is now enjoying his blissful afterlife. In the past several months, watching my friend fighting so bravely for the life he so cherished led me to want to understand more about what lies ahead of us when we expire here on earth.  My desire to find peace and acceptance within the situation has drawn me to want to hear what NDE’s (Near Death Experiencer’s) have to say about the truth and answers to not just life after life, but life itself, here, as we know it. There are an outstanding number of NDE’s who came back into this realm with the understanding of life’s meanings. What is our true purpose in life? Some of you may be atheists, agnostics or perhaps a healthy skeptic like me. Yet, what challenges the skeptic in me is  can all these people be wrong?   I think not. Furthermore, what strikes me about Near Death Experiences is that many who do return from the dead  are  atheists who are transformed believers in life after life without a shadow of a doubt. They even go on to explain that the afterlife is far more real than this life, extraordinary beyond belief in its perfection. They didn’t want to return to Earth although they loved their earthly life and everyone in their life. Yet, after hearing their descriptions, who could blame them? Hearing their captivating stories have been a deep comfort in my time of loss.  Many even drastically change their careers when they return from something meaningless to something meaningful. Many begin careers as teachers, mentors, psychics, healing profession, hospice nurses, public speakers, authors, and other paths that are associated with humanitarian fields.    It is not uncommon to lose the fear of death for NDE’s, which is the root of all our fears – loss and the loss of our lives tops the list.           When NDE’s talk about their life review when they were dead, they commonly express that they not only relive everything in their lives they also experience how they treated others by experiences their feelings as well. During this process the NDE may even feel shame, guilt and remorse for how they treated others. This is a profound teaching. NDE’s also go on to state that when being “praised” in Heaven it wasn’t for their accolades in life or achievements. It was simply for the way they interacted with others by caring for and loving fellow human beings.  NDE’s come back to life with a wealth of knowledge.  One of the most important pieces of knowledge they carry around with them in this is knowing we are one. Every day they are unwaveringly committed to generously taking care of fellow human beings. Not just family, friends – loved ones but  everyone.  At the end of their day they honestly ask themselves if they did enough for others. Helped, assisted, were there for others, gave love, became deeply compassionate.  Fortunately, we don’t have to have an Near Death Experience to take heed of this truth and knowledge that they have been given the opportunity to bring back to us.  We can start to shift our lives today in the direction of love and really giving to each and everyone we encounter. Imagine how life would be experienced differently for all of us. It would simply be Heaven on Earth.     Curious to know more?   Afterlife Evidence   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDRooQmtFJ3V81101wGvi5Q   And   NDERF.org    

        We can experience bliss in our world if we have the                                                         knowledge.

                            Written by Sterling Mire

August 8th, just a few days ago, a dear friend of mine lost his life to Cancer. From what I understand, he is now enjoying his blissful afterlife. In the past several months, watching my friend fighting so bravely for the life he so cherished led me to want to understand more about what lies ahead of us when we expire here on earth.

My desire to find peace and acceptance within the situation has drawn me to want to hear what NDE’s (Near Death Experiencer’s) have to say about the truth and answers to not just life after life, but life itself, here, as we know it. There are an outstanding number of NDE’s who came back into this realm with the understanding of life’s meanings. What is our true purpose in life? Some of you may be atheists, agnostics or perhaps a healthy skeptic like me. Yet, what challenges the skeptic in me is can all these people be wrong?  I think not. Furthermore, what strikes me about Near Death Experiences is that many who do return from the dead are atheists who are transformed believers in life after life without a shadow of a doubt. They even go on to explain that the afterlife is far more real than this life, extraordinary beyond belief in its perfection. They didn’t want to return to Earth although they loved their earthly life and everyone in their life. Yet, after hearing their descriptions, who could blame them? Hearing their captivating stories have been a deep comfort in my time of loss.

Many even drastically change their careers when they return from something meaningless to something meaningful. Many begin careers as teachers, mentors, psychics, healing profession, hospice nurses, public speakers, authors, and other paths that are associated with humanitarian fields.

It is not uncommon to lose the fear of death for NDE’s, which is the root of all our fears – loss and the loss of our lives tops the list.  

 When NDE’s talk about their life review when they were dead, they commonly express that they not only relive everything in their lives they also experience how they treated others by experiences their feelings as well. During this process the NDE may even feel shame, guilt and remorse for how they treated others. This is a profound teaching. NDE’s also go on to state that when being “praised” in Heaven it wasn’t for their accolades in life or achievements. It was simply for the way they interacted with others by caring for and loving fellow human beings.

NDE’s come back to life with a wealth of knowledge.  One of the most important pieces of knowledge they carry around with them in this is knowing we are one. Every day they are unwaveringly committed to generously taking care of fellow human beings. Not just family, friends – loved ones but everyone. At the end of their day they honestly ask themselves if they did enough for others. Helped, assisted, were there for others, gave love, became deeply compassionate.

Fortunately, we don’t have to have an Near Death Experience to take heed of this truth and knowledge that they have been given the opportunity to bring back to us.

We can start to shift our lives today in the direction of love and really giving to each and everyone we encounter. Imagine how life would be experienced differently for all of us. It would simply be Heaven on Earth.

 

Curious to know more? 

Afterlife Evidence

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDRooQmtFJ3V81101wGvi5Q

And

NDERF.org

 

Acceptance vs. Agreement

Knowing the difference makes ALL the difference.

“Some of our greatest successes come from unconditional acceptance of all aspects of life.” ~Sterling Mire

My clients often ask me, “How can I possibly accept something if I don’t like or agree with it?” My answer is simple: Avoid resistance. I’ll explain. The reason why avoiding resistance is the solution to the problem is because what we resist will persist. If we resist what is so in this particular moment we will be giving energy to that which we would like to change. We feed the beast. Stop feeding the beast and that beast will disappear.

I am a fan of Eckhart Tolle. In his bestselling book, “The Power of Now”, he describes acceptance as this. Imagine you fell into quicksand. Your first instinct is to resist it by flailing your arms wildly to get out. The only thing you achieve by resisting is frustration, panic and exhaustion so you end up sinking. If you just accept what is so, “Ok, I just fell into quicksand. I accept that. It is what is so.”, this frees you up to begin to create a way out – and you do! Acceptance is not agreement. I must stress this. Accepting is acknowledging and allowing something to just be. Once we have done just that, then we can began to move into a solution driven direction with ease. Answers to our questions are free to come to us – physically and mentally. We are an open channel for guidance.

Life is fluid. It can occur as if what is happening to us in the moment is permanent. We are stuck and we begin to get resigned in life. If we remind ourselves that it just appears that way BUT is actually is not the truth, it is a step in the right direction for finding the change we seek.

Life is also unpredictable. If we can accept that as part of the beauty in life then we can create the ability to embrace what ever comes along, even if it is painful.

Life will bring many challenges, such as the loss of someone we love, and it is truly challenging to embrace “what is so” when we are suffering. Yet, if we start cultivating acceptance in our lives right now, we will cope with future crises in an empowered way finding the positivity in the situation. It really is a powerfully effective way to live. Begin today to just BE with what is so. Notice how life is different and notice how you respond to undesirable things as they show up and how insignificant and manageable they become. You will be amazed!

 

Comfortably Numb....

Written by: Sterling Mire

The way to prevent “feeling” is to numb out yet it’s only a temporary band-aid that never resolves our problems yet only makes them worse.

We are blessed to have our various, contrasting emotions. Without them we would not have an indication of how our lives are going. Our emotions let us know if our lives are working or not. Yet, although we embrace the good feeling emotions we deny embracing and allowing our not so good feeling emotions to exist.

We like to find ways to numb ourselves when we aren’t feeling so good yet uncomfortable emotions are an opportunity to pay attention to what we are feeling to trace where it is stemming from. Once we see where the emotion originated from we then have a golden opportunity to listen to that little voice in our head telling us something that helped create the experience of the very emotion we are trying to avoid feeling. Allowing that emotion to be and expressing it in a safe and constructive way helps clear away the debris that locks us in and blocks us from transforming it into something good.

Checking out with food, alcohol, sugar, shopping, the internet, cell phones, TV and other non-productive distractions are avenues we choose when we don’t want to deal with something. I often tell my clients as well as myself: “The only way to it is through it”. The only way we can get through what we are feeling and reconnect to the good stuff we seek in life is to confront what is causing our emotional dis-ease before it turns into physical disease.

When we confront our problems we are taking back our power instead of giving it away to numbing activities. We are also handsomely rewarded when we do this because we not only find a solution through it but we re-discover who we truly are: courageous and strong.  This leads us to peace and completion, healing and freeing us for the future.

There are various ways to delve into what is upsetting us so we can work through it. Meditation, communing with nature, talking to friends and family, journaling, consulting a professional advisor are some of the ways we can allow others to help us find our light. When we make it through what we are here to pay attention to and learn, we can move past the issue once and for all, putting it and keeping it in the past - where it belongs. Through the practice of confronting our issues we grow wiser, stronger and more confident in confronting the next set of life’s challenges. Yes, it’s very possible to grow to the point where we even welcome the challenges in life because we know we are that powerful to transform our situations and our emotions fearlessly!

 

 

 

 

What Did I Do?

                                                          By Sterling Mire                 Many times what people say or do to us has nothing to do with us at all.    Have you ever had the experience where what someone does or says doesn’t seem to jibe with what is actually going on? Yet, we take their behavior personally and make it mean something disempowering about us leaving us confused, hurt and disappointed. It’s helpful to remember: people are more connected to their past experiences versus the experiences they would like to have in their future.  That past can be what just happened 5 minutes prior or as far back as childhood. Taking things personally without taking a moment to think about where they could be coming from takes us off path.  We also have to be responsible for what we do and say. Could what we said or did provoke a particular response? If our intentions are benign but misunderstood, then we can apologize and clarify what we mean to the other person. If they refuse to forgive and hear the value in what we are trying to convey then we can walk away feeling satisfied with the responsibility and the action we took to remedy the situation. We can also see that there is something that person is personally dealing with that may have absolutely nothing to do with us but what they are struggling with in their own life. Be compassionate and loving and move on. We are all dealing with something in life. We are all evolving and being given the opportunity to grow and growth comes from our relationships. If this is a relationship that we are committed to, then we take move on by taking responsibility of our communications and distinguish if there is anything else we can do to help. Sometimes just being clear in our communications is all there is for us to do. We need to just give the other person some space to be with the situation and gain the understanding and clarity within themselves.  When you shift your attention to the bigger picture you may then notice that there was nothing you did that was inappropriate and can choose to not take it personally leaving you free of feeling attacked or blaming yourself for something that didn’t have anything to do with you. It’s up to you to retain your self-worth while knowing you are taking responsibility for your words and actions. This is the best way to live an empowered and satisfying life!      

                                                          By Sterling Mire

              Many times what people say or do to us has nothing to do with us at all.

Have you ever had the experience where what someone does or says doesn’t seem to jibe with what is actually going on? Yet, we take their behavior personally and make it mean something disempowering about us leaving us confused, hurt and disappointed. It’s helpful to remember: people are more connected to their past experiences versus the experiences they would like to have in their future.  That past can be what just happened 5 minutes prior or as far back as childhood. Taking things personally without taking a moment to think about where they could be coming from takes us off path.

We also have to be responsible for what we do and say. Could what we said or did provoke a particular response? If our intentions are benign but misunderstood, then we can apologize and clarify what we mean to the other person. If they refuse to forgive and hear the value in what we are trying to convey then we can walk away feeling satisfied with the responsibility and the action we took to remedy the situation. We can also see that there is something that person is personally dealing with that may have absolutely nothing to do with us but what they are struggling with in their own life. Be compassionate and loving and move on. We are all dealing with something in life. We are all evolving and being given the opportunity to grow and growth comes from our relationships. If this is a relationship that we are committed to, then we take move on by taking responsibility of our communications and distinguish if there is anything else we can do to help. Sometimes just being clear in our communications is all there is for us to do. We need to just give the other person some space to be with the situation and gain the understanding and clarity within themselves.

When you shift your attention to the bigger picture you may then notice that there was nothing you did that was inappropriate and can choose to not take it personally leaving you free of feeling attacked or blaming yourself for something that didn’t have anything to do with you. It’s up to you to retain your self-worth while knowing you are taking responsibility for your words and actions. This is the best way to live an empowered and satisfying life!

 

 

Reclaiming Your Power With Forgiveness

Have you ever been so wounded by someone that your emotions run deep and steady and letting go and moving on from the situation seems impossible? Transforming the situation and moving on is the only true answer if success, health and happiness is what you seek in life. But the question remains. Why?  Why forgive someone when they have acted so thoughtless, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, mean, cruel, and even evil? Answer: It keeps us stuck in our past.  When we  truly  forgive someone we are saying, “I want to move on in my life to a much better future than my past experiences. I want to reclaim my power and by holding on to negative feelings I am not only disconnected from the source of all creativity, but I am creating more of what I don’t want in my life by holding on to the negative emotions. Those negative energies being produced by my thoughts are attracting more of what I do not want in my life.”  Negative energy blocks us from accessing what we truly want in life: peace, happiness, total fulfillment and our dreams being realized. When we honestly choose forgiveness, we choose compassion and love and by giving that love and compassion to the person, we free ourselves. We return to our authentic self and re-connect to the universe (which is love). We align to our power that is connected to the power of the limitless universe which creates all things authentic and life-giving. We make a connection with the great Creator who co-creates with us everything in our world that is  desirable and good . That is, if we are being our authentic self which is LOVE. Love is the energy that births forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and peace.  Isn’t life sweeter when we feel light, we experience inspiration, we feel loving and abundant? We can only truly, authentically, connect with those powerful energies that produce miracles by forgiving. That is why forgiveness is key.  Now, instead of just thinking about it and moving on from here with life’s distractions, start drawing up a list of people who need that forgiveness from you. Set them free, maybe even more importantly, set yourself free.  

Have you ever been so wounded by someone that your emotions run deep and steady and letting go and moving on from the situation seems impossible? Transforming the situation and moving on is the only true answer if success, health and happiness is what you seek in life. But the question remains. Why?

Why forgive someone when they have acted so thoughtless, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, mean, cruel, and even evil? Answer: It keeps us stuck in our past.

When we truly forgive someone we are saying, “I want to move on in my life to a much better future than my past experiences. I want to reclaim my power and by holding on to negative feelings I am not only disconnected from the source of all creativity, but I am creating more of what I don’t want in my life by holding on to the negative emotions. Those negative energies being produced by my thoughts are attracting more of what I do not want in my life.”

Negative energy blocks us from accessing what we truly want in life: peace, happiness, total fulfillment and our dreams being realized. When we honestly choose forgiveness, we choose compassion and love and by giving that love and compassion to the person, we free ourselves. We return to our authentic self and re-connect to the universe (which is love). We align to our power that is connected to the power of the limitless universe which creates all things authentic and life-giving. We make a connection with the great Creator who co-creates with us everything in our world that is desirable and good. That is, if we are being our authentic self which is LOVE. Love is the energy that births forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and peace.

Isn’t life sweeter when we feel light, we experience inspiration, we feel loving and abundant? We can only truly, authentically, connect with those powerful energies that produce miracles by forgiving. That is why forgiveness is key.

Now, instead of just thinking about it and moving on from here with life’s distractions, start drawing up a list of people who need that forgiveness from you. Set them free, maybe even more importantly, set yourself free.  

The Price of Freedom - 25 Ways to Let Go and Reclaim Your Power!

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      “If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah     One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle, believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.    We get stuck in the past. We tend to relive past mistakes over and over again in our head instead of completing them and letting them go. This causes us to experience feelings of shame, frustration and guilt and we allow those emotions to shape our actions in the present. We hold on to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of obsessing somehow gives us power over our fears.   It is actually the opposite. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.    There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started:        How To Let Go Of Upsets Within Your Life      1. Learn a new skill   . Instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.     2. Become complete with the situation.    Either accept there is nothing you can do about the circumstance and let it go or recognize that there is and do it. Maybe an apology and asking for forgiveness is due. You’d be surprised how powerful something as simple as being responsible and cleaning up life’s messes can be  .     3. Cry it out.    According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D. biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.     4.     Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action.  Make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.     5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment   . A great exercise is the “Being Present” exercise I give to my clients. Try this while showering, driving, or doing the dishes. Simply take in all that you are perceiving without judgments, opinions, stories. Notice something, observe it fully and then move on to something else. Great stress buster and it also allows you to be related to reality powerfully and make better choices in life.      6.     Make a list of your accomplishments, even the small ones, and add to it daily.  You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction. Post this somewhere where you will see it often. Bathroom mirror. Front door to your bedroom or home and take it in before you leave.      7.     Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.”  Whenever you start dwelling on how things  should be  or  should have been , mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.     8.     Engage in a physical activity.  Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.     9. Focus all your energy on something you can control. I   nstead of dwelling on things you can’t, make a difference in someone else’s world. Clean up clutter in the home. Wash the car inside and out. Make fun plans just for yourself or with a friend.     10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting.    Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.        Let go of Anger and Bitterness      11. Feel it fully.    If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully and express it safely.     12. Give yourself a rant window.    Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.     13.     Remind yourself that anger hurts you   more than the person who upset you . Visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.     14.     If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you.  Communicating how you feel is a powerful solution for moving on if done responsibly. Express yourself intelligently with calm, thoughtful and clear articulate words. Write it out first and practice. Give the other person an opportunity to apologize. Refrain from just spewing all over someone. This only causes them to be defensive as they will feel attacked and you will feel like a mess coming out of an emotional hurricane. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the other responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.     15.     Take responsibility.  Many times when you are upset, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what  you  could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.     16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes.    We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.     17.     Remind yourself these are your only three options:  remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.        Let Go Of Past Relationships      18. Identify what the experience taught you    to help develop a sense of closure.     19. Remember both the good and the bad.    Even if it appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”     20. Un-romanticize the way you view love.    Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.     21. Visualize an empowered single you   —the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.     22. Create a space that reflects your present reality.    Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.     23. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance.    Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.     24. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it.    “Loving myself means letting go.”     25. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts.    When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “Hey, I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”    These 25 steps will allow you to take back and experience your personal freedom and power again putting you on the path you desire. The outcomes that follow is the stuff dreams are made of!     

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle, believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We get stuck in the past. We tend to relive past mistakes over and over again in our head instead of completing them and letting them go. This causes us to experience feelings of shame, frustration and guilt and we allow those emotions to shape our actions in the present. We hold on to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of obsessing somehow gives us power over our fears. It is actually the opposite. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started:

 

How To Let Go Of Upsets Within Your Life

1. Learn a new skill. Instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.

2. Become complete with the situation. Either accept there is nothing you can do about the circumstance and let it go or recognize that there is and do it. Maybe an apology and asking for forgiveness is due. You’d be surprised how powerful something as simple as being responsible and cleaning up life’s messes can be.

3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D. biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.

4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action. Make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.

5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment. A great exercise is the “Being Present” exercise I give to my clients. Try this while showering, driving, or doing the dishes. Simply take in all that you are perceiving without judgments, opinions, stories. Notice something, observe it fully and then move on to something else. Great stress buster and it also allows you to be related to reality powerfully and make better choices in life.

6. Make a list of your accomplishments, even the small ones, and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction. Post this somewhere where you will see it often. Bathroom mirror. Front door to your bedroom or home and take it in before you leave.

7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.

8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.

9. Focus all your energy on something you can control. Instead of dwelling on things you can’t, make a difference in someone else’s world. Clean up clutter in the home. Wash the car inside and out. Make fun plans just for yourself or with a friend.

10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.

 

Let go of Anger and Bitterness

11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully and express it safely.

12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.

13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you. Visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.

14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel is a powerful solution for moving on if done responsibly. Express yourself intelligently with calm, thoughtful and clear articulate words. Write it out first and practice. Give the other person an opportunity to apologize. Refrain from just spewing all over someone. This only causes them to be defensive as they will feel attacked and you will feel like a mess coming out of an emotional hurricane. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the other responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.

15. Take responsibility. Many times when you are upset, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.

16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.

17. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

 

Let Go Of Past Relationships

18. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.

19. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if it appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

20. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.

21. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

22. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.

23. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.

24. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”

25. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “Hey, I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”

These 25 steps will allow you to take back and experience your personal freedom and power again putting you on the path you desire. The outcomes that follow is the stuff dreams are made of!

 

Do People Really Make Us Happy?

Written by Sterling Mire

It appears that people can make us feel a range of emotions; happy, sad, angry, frustrated, euphoric, disappointed, depressed and the list goes on. The truth is this is an illusion. We live in a society that has convinced us that happiness lies outside of us, within our environment and through the things we accumulate. Here is a perfect example of how we have learned this way of understanding life’s happiness. A mother sees her young child crying. The mother enthusiastically offers the child a cookie. The child then seeing his/her mother smiling (happy) makes the association with the cookie as an object that possesses happiness. We could take it a bit further and look at how the cookie has an effect on the child’s brain reinforcing the idea of where happiness lies. Let’s look at the effect of the sugar in the cookie. Sugar is known to light up the reward pathways and cause a surge of feel-good hormones, like dopamine, to be released. As a result, we feel good and “happy”. The child easily confuses the cookie, or any other thing the child learns to associate with happiness, as where happiness lies.

People’s Energy DOES Have an Effect On Us

True. We are all energy. We transmit energy. We receive energy. Yet, energy changes all the time so if someone’s happy and we feel the effects of it we begin to associate thatthat is where happiness lies. We begin to confuse, once again, where happiness lives. “That person makes me happy!” or “That person makes me upset”. It may not be that we consciously want to blame or hold someone accountable for our state of being. It could be that we simply are confused as to where happiness truly is.

Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility for how we feel is one of the most valuable lessons we can learn in life. Choosing how we feel is a conscious action. We must be fully aware to make this choice. Noticing how we feel is the first step. To choose how we want to feel in a way that is authentic and actually works is to first allow what is so to be. To simply allow it to exist. Allowing is not agreeing. Allowing is allowing. Once we allow what is, then we can make a conscious choice to choose how we want to feel. Once you choose an empowering emotion, take a moment to connect to what that feels like. Experience it fully. Maybe think of a happy memory and relive it. Embrace the feeling and let it wash over you and sink in. Then proceed with your life. It is quite simple but where people go wrong in choosing their emotions is leaving out the acceptance, allowing something to be as it is. What is surprising is that whatever undesirable emotion was being experienced will simply take care of itself and disappear.

True Happiness

Happiness is our birthright. Happiness is a skill. Like all skills, it must be practiced. When you have true happiness within, you are totally fulfilled and the things you engage in are not perceived as a pathway to lead you to happiness but an adventure you can embrace fearlessly with joy and out of the sheer excitement of being alive!

To discover more about happiness, I recommend a current documentary on NetFlix simply titled: “Happiness”. Filmmaker Roko Belic travels to more than a dozen countries, searching for the meaning of happiness.

Sterling is a celebrated professional life coach and a nationally published author. She works with clients all over the world. Her practice is located in Beverly Hills. For more information, please www.getyourlifenow.com

10 Habits of Outrageously Successful AND Happy People

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     1. They Love Challenges. Challenges are seen as opportunities not breakdowns. When unexpected or undesirable circumstances arise they look to themselves to transform the situation and love it. It is a gateway to accessing their personal power.      2. They Are Open-Minded. They inquire and ask questions of those around them. Keeping an open mind while hearing what others have to say can cause an “Ah ha” moment to show up. Being curious creates possibilities that were not previously considered.     3. They Take Responsibility. Taking responsibility means not blaming others or circumstances for when things don’t happen as planned. When we take responsibility for everything that shows up in our lives then we access the power to effect change. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness as well as promising to learn from mistakes and do better in the future is true power and integrity.     4. They Are Unstoppable. Failure has no inherent meaning. Successful and happy people know this. We create the meanings: what it means about our situation, ourselves and our world. We also have the option to create failure to mean “keep going” until we reach our destination.       5. They Engage in Healthy Competition: Competition to them does not mean that there is lack in the world so they better wipe out the competition to claim their piece of the pie. It means: they are inspired by what others create knowing that they too can create something of value. Their creations are unique unto themselves because they, the creators, are unique and therefore there is no competition in the traditional sense of the word in their world.     6. They Create Win-Win Situations. They know that there is a way to create situations that attends to everyone’s needs and wants and they won’t stop until they find and create the way.     7. They Nurture Relationships. Happy and Successful people know relationships are everything. They go out of their way to contribute to others knowing that it also helps them to feel purposeful and deepen their bonds with others. Great relationships not only provide the means for successful outcomes but also provides true fulfillment in living life. Being complete at all times in relationships leaves everyone feeling whole and complete and also able to move forward in the world with peace and gratitude.     8.  They Give Up Doubting. Their fuel for life is faith. Doubting to them is pointless and leads to nowhere. The stronger the faith, the lesser the doubt, the more certain the outcome!     9.  They Read. Extraordinary people read books, blogs, articles, breakthrough news that inspires them, provides knowledge, develops their spiritual side, sparks new ideas, empowers them to broaden their world. Biographies of other extraordinary people,   www.goodnewsnetwork.org , and educational books causes motivated action.     10. They Take Care of Themselves. They know the secret to life is quality, not quantity. They also know that if they sleep well, exercise, eat healthy, take time out to relax, live a balanced life, participate in games that involve their growth as a human being, and commune with nature they will be more effective, productive, happy, and useful to themselves, the people in their lives and to the world as a whole.  

1. They Love Challenges. Challenges are seen as opportunities not breakdowns. When unexpected or undesirable circumstances arise they look to themselves to transform the situation and love it. It is a gateway to accessing their personal power.

 

2. They Are Open-Minded. They inquire and ask questions of those around them. Keeping an open mind while hearing what others have to say can cause an “Ah ha” moment to show up. Being curious creates possibilities that were not previously considered.

 

3. They Take Responsibility. Taking responsibility means not blaming others or circumstances for when things don’t happen as planned. When we take responsibility for everything that shows up in our lives then we access the power to effect change. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness as well as promising to learn from mistakes and do better in the future is true power and integrity.

 

4. They Are Unstoppable. Failure has no inherent meaning. Successful and happy people know this. We create the meanings: what it means about our situation, ourselves and our world. We also have the option to create failure to mean “keep going” until we reach our destination.  

 

5. They Engage in Healthy Competition: Competition to them does not mean that there is lack in the world so they better wipe out the competition to claim their piece of the pie. It means: they are inspired by what others create knowing that they too can create something of value. Their creations are unique unto themselves because they, the creators, are unique and therefore there is no competition in the traditional sense of the word in their world.

 

6. They Create Win-Win Situations. They know that there is a way to create situations that attends to everyone’s needs and wants and they won’t stop until they find and create the way.

 

7. They Nurture Relationships. Happy and Successful people know relationships are everything. They go out of their way to contribute to others knowing that it also helps them to feel purposeful and deepen their bonds with others. Great relationships not only provide the means for successful outcomes but also provides true fulfillment in living life. Being complete at all times in relationships leaves everyone feeling whole and complete and also able to move forward in the world with peace and gratitude.

 

8.  They Give Up Doubting. Their fuel for life is faith. Doubting to them is pointless and leads to nowhere. The stronger the faith, the lesser the doubt, the more certain the outcome!

 

9.  They Read. Extraordinary people read books, blogs, articles, breakthrough news that inspires them, provides knowledge, develops their spiritual side, sparks new ideas, empowers them to broaden their world. Biographies of other extraordinary people,  www.goodnewsnetwork.org, and educational books causes motivated action.

 

10. They Take Care of Themselves. They know the secret to life is quality, not quantity. They also know that if they sleep well, exercise, eat healthy, take time out to relax, live a balanced life, participate in games that involve their growth as a human being, and commune with nature they will be more effective, productive, happy, and useful to themselves, the people in their lives and to the world as a whole.  

Sterling's Interview - Featured in The Grateful Gardenia.

I am so honored and thrilled to be featured in Janet Gunn's incredibly popular blog - The Grateful Gardenia. Janet Gunn has led an exciting and dynamic life as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, traveled the world as a flight attendant and has starred in her own national television series, Silk Stalkings, among other notable feature films and TV shows! She’s onboard my “Art of Manifestation” transformational journey and you are invited to join her! www.gratefulgardenia.com
...” I can honestly say I felt a big shift after the first twenty-four hours!!”....Having wonderful teachers and coaches in life is a blessing. If you read about some of the most successful and happy people you will find they all have teachers or coaches... or both.
— Janet Gunn
Sterling - Creator of the life transforming system, The Art of Manifestation: Mastering the Manifestation process in 30 days.

Sterling - Creator of the life transforming system, The Art of Manifestation: Mastering the Manifestation process in 30 days.

Janet Gunn with her "manual for life" - The Art of Manifestation. A revolutionary, air-tight, step by step system for clearly mastering the manifestation process.

Janet Gunn with her "manual for life" - The Art of Manifestation. A revolutionary, air-tight, step by step system for clearly mastering the manifestation process.

Janet Gunn and Sterling - The Art of Manifestation system: Living a Life of Magick and Miracles

Janet Gunn and Sterling - The Art of Manifestation system: Living a Life of Magick and Miracles