Holiday Thriving versus Surviving!

We all need a guide.  The first thing is to really be ready to be related with the people that you’re there with, and out to cause something extraordinary with people.  We can have all the dinners, we can have all the decorations, and gift-giving and receiving but really what’s at the heart of a great holiday, no matter how great the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, what makes or breaks a holiday is the relationships we have with people and whether we enjoy the people or not.  So what we really want to focus on is how to really have extraordinary relationships with the people we’re with, whoever we’re spending the holidays with. You may ask yourself, “How do you do that when you don’t even want to go?” I had that experience myself once at a birthday party.  I was invited someplace, rather obligated to go just because of all the different circumstances, a place I really didn’t want to go.  Here’s what I resolved for myself.  As I was going there, I said, "Okay.  You’re going to have a better time than you think you can have," and then I rang the doorbell and walked in the door with that commitment in place, like really, "Okay," and when I walked in the door, just having committed to have a better time that I thought I could have, and I ended up meeting new people that were instrumental to my future! It was great! I think every time we go someplace, we have a preconceived notion of how good it’s going to be.  We have a preconceived notion of how enjoyable it’s going to be.  So the first thing would be to just get committed to you’re going have a better time than you think you’re going have, and then walk in the door looking for the opportunity for that.  And if you walk in the door looking for the opportunity to have a better time than you think you’re going have, guess what?  I think you’ll find a lot of ways to do that. My clients often ask me what to do when someone says something to you that makes you mad but you don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone? There are actually three things you could do but there’s only one of them that really works.  One thing you could do is argue, right?  You could.  Somebody says something that makes you mad, and you just want to – you just can hardly stand it.  You just so want to let them know that what they said was wrong. You could come back with your best, best, best answer that really proves how wrong they are, except guess what?  You’ll end up in an argument because then they have to defend themselves and then you have to defend yourself, then they have to defend themselves, and we know where that one goes. So that doesn’t work.  Another thing people often try is to not say anything, just try to grit your teeth and grin and bear it, but you really are holding onto it and you still let it shape you, like whatever they said really does ruin your day because that’s all you’re thinking about, all you’re stewing about, and even though you’re not responding, it’s totally shaping you.  You’re succumbing to it.  That doesn’t work, either, because your day’s still ruined. There’s a third thing you can do, which is – it sounds simple but it really is profound.  It’s just to let it go by.  Let it go.  Sometimes I imagine being a bullfighter where you just – what you don’t do with a bull, you don’t argue with it, right? Yet you don’t lay down and let it run over you.  Look at matadors. They are masters at just stepping out of the way and letting things go by.  I think sometimes we think we have to deal with everything that people say, but people say things they don’t even mean.  People say things that they didn’t intend to be upsetting, and a lot of it, especially around the holidays – I think this is all the time, but especially around the holidays.  Let some of it go by.  Just let it go by, step out of the way, and then stay right there in the conversation and just committed to what you’re committed to causing in terms of your friendship and your relationship with that person. Now, if somebody says something that’s really irritating to you and you let it go by, how do you not let that fester? You simply have to relate to it for what it is.  It’s just something they said. One of the things that always makes something worse is not what they say but what we have what they say mean.  So there’s a difference between what somebody says and then what it means to us.  In other words, the story we make up about what they said or the interpretation we have of what they said and it’s really important to separate those two out.  There’s what they said and then there’s what we have it mean.  And those are two different things. I’ll give you an example, if somebody said, for instance, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Suppose there you are, you’ve got the table set, and your mother-in-law says, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Now, that’s what she said.  What somebody could and probably would have that mean is, "She doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t honor that this is my home, she never thinks anything I do is good enough for her son." Right?  On and on and on.  It could be any of those things.  Now, really, though, the statement, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," is a pretty simple statement that is just a statement about what she would’ve or wouldn’t have done, and if you can keep it for what it is, just a statement, and keep separate everything you had it mean and you’ll notice that all of the upset every bit of the upset is in actually what we have it mean, not what they actually said. How do you appreciate someone if you’re mad at them?  Why should we appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why we choose to appreciate someone even if we’re mad at them is because where if we really look at relationships, when we’re satisfied in a relationship is when we love who we’re being. We put a lot of focus on how the other person is treating us, but you know what?  Even if someone’s not treating us well, if we love who we’re being, we’re actually pretty satisfied. The opposite is also true, isn’t it?  Which is that if somebody’s being great with us but then we’re pretty cranky with them, then even them being great with us doesn’t make a difference for us because we’re still cranky. So to really take on, even when you’re, especially when you’re mad at somebody, is to appreciate them and find something to appreciate about them at the very least. it’s really simple.  That them being there gives you an opportunity to be somebody, to be somebody you love being, gives you an opportunity to be generous or it gives you an opportunity to be loving. Even the ones that make you the maddest, those are the ones that give you the biggest opportunity to be somebody really great. If we really study relationships, one of the things you notice is that the whole point of other people like the opportunity of people, of being with people, is that without them there, we don’t get to be somebody, and the quality of our life comes from who we get to be with people.  So it’s right there, so why appreciate somebody you’re mad at is because you’ll end up being really happy with yourself and therefore even happy with them through your own empowerment about who you are choosing to be within the circumstance. Last week I had a client say to me, "My husband’s so controlling, how can I have a happy holiday if he tries to control everything?" There are two things here.  If you know that about your husband, if you know, from holidays from the past, one of the things that really works is to, ahead of holidays, ask him everything that he wants so that you actually know what he wants and he has some – he gets to say what’s important to him before the holidays ever get there so that he already knows you’re committed that he gets what he wants and then at the holiday itself, I kind of always have a theory called ride the horse the way the horse is going. The more you would fight it or the more you would resist, probably the more controlling he’s going to try to be because he’s going to be fighting back then.  If you really just keep looking for it, there’s something that’s important to him, something. People only try to be controlling because there’s something important to them, and if you can just listen for and try to hear what’s really important to him and then make sure he gets it or make sure that he knows that you’re committed that he gets it, then guess what happens?  He starts paying attention to what’s important to you and that you get that as well. Two things, again.  One is, if at all possible, before the holidays ever happen, sit down, talk about what’s going to be important to each other at the holidays and what’s going be important to your husband so that he knows that he knows in advance that you’re out to make sure he gets a really great holiday that he wants.  Then when the holiday’s happening itself, just keep trying to hear, when he’s being controlling, what is important to him and how can I make sure he knows that I’m committed that he gets that, and then I promise, it really is amazing how much then the other person starts wanting to make sure you get what you want, too. Here’s another question I’ve been asked, "My mother-in-law doesn’t make me feel welcome.  I don’t want to go.  How do I survive that?" One of the things there, I think is that I wouldn’t take it personally.  If the mother-in-law’s not making you feel welcome, I bet, I really would bet a lot of money, that the mother-in-law’s concerned about something you don’t even know she’s concerned about.  For instance, it may have nothing to do with you.  Maybe she’s concerned about how her house looks or maybe she’s concerned about how her food is or maybe she’s concerned about how she and her husband are getting along in front of you.  There’s a whole number of things.  Maybe your mother-in-law’s concerned about getting older.  There’s a whole number of things that she could be concerned about, and when people are concerned about something, they often don’t – aren’t able to make another person feel welcome around them. One of the first things I do is to not take it personal and would, again, just have some compassion that probably that person is concerned about something and give they’re concerned about it, they’re not having an easy time being with you.  The more you can just be at ease with them and make it safe for them to be with you, then the more they’ll be able to be at ease with you, and guess what?  Then you’ll have the experience of being welcomed. I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Listening to people.  When you really listen to people, they get really – they’re just grateful for it.  A lot of times we think what’s important is what we say to other people.  I’ve found that that is very important, what we say is very important and we want to make sure that what we say really is always empowering of others.  On the other side of it, there’s listening to people and really listening to somebody.  I’ve always found people, I know for myself, if somebody really listens to me, I’m always grateful afterward. Sometimes, especially if somebody’s not making you feel welcome, there’s something that they want to say or there’s something that they’ve got to say that if you could just listen to, they would be grateful that you’re there, and then, again, you’d have the experience of being really welcomed. No matter what they’re talking about, because sometimes they talk about something that doesn’t seem important or they can be talking about the weather or sometimes they’re upset and their visibly upset.  Whatever is going on right there, if they’re talking about the weather, listen to that. If they’re talking about how the dinner’s going, listen to that.  If they’re talking about something they’re upset about, listen to that.  When I say listen, I really do mean give them your attention so that they know, and maybe even ask them questions, but even if it’s something, they just make a comment about the weather, just acknowledge that you heard them. People also really appreciate being acknowledged for the “good” that they are. Acknowledging people for their better attributes or way of being in life actually helps them to connect to that side of themselves in the present moment and that paves a way for them to move forward in extraordinary ways allowing you to have an extraordinary and memorable experience and holiday with them. Happy Holidays!

We all need a guide.  The first thing is to really be ready to be related with the people that you’re there with, and out to cause something extraordinary with people.  We can have all the dinners, we can have all the decorations, and gift-giving and receiving but really what’s at the heart of a great holiday, no matter how great the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, what makes or breaks a holiday is the relationships we have with people and whether we enjoy the people or not.  So what we really want to focus on is how to really have extraordinary relationships with the people we’re with, whoever we’re spending the holidays with. You may ask yourself, “How do you do that when you don’t even want to go?”

I had that experience myself once at a birthday party.  I was invited someplace, rather obligated to go just because of all the different circumstances, a place I really didn’t want to go.  Here’s what I resolved for myself.  As I was going there, I said, "Okay.  You’re going to have a better time than you think you can have," and then I rang the doorbell and walked in the door with that commitment in place, like really, "Okay," and when I walked in the door, just having committed to have a better time that I thought I could have, and I ended up meeting new people that were instrumental to my future! It was great!

I think every time we go someplace, we have a preconceived notion of how good it’s going to be.  We have a preconceived notion of how enjoyable it’s going to be.  So the first thing would be to just get committed to you’re going have a better time than you think you’re going have, and then walk in the door looking for the opportunity for that.  And if you walk in the door looking for the opportunity to have a better time than you think you’re going have, guess what?  I think you’ll find a lot of ways to do that.

My clients often ask me what to do when someone says something to you that makes you mad but you don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone?

There are actually three things you could do but there’s only one of them that really works.  One thing you could do is argue, right?  You could.  Somebody says something that makes you mad, and you just want to – you just can hardly stand it.  You just so want to let them know that what they said was wrong. You could come back with your best, best, best answer that really proves how wrong they are, except guess what?  You’ll end up in an argument because then they have to defend themselves and then you have to defend yourself, then they have to defend themselves, and we know where that one goes. So that doesn’t work.  Another thing people often try is to not say anything, just try to grit your teeth and grin and bear it, but you really are holding onto it and you still let it shape you, like whatever they said really does ruin your day because that’s all you’re thinking about, all you’re stewing about, and even though you’re not responding, it’s totally shaping you.  You’re succumbing to it.  That doesn’t work, either, because your day’s still ruined.

There’s a third thing you can do, which is – it sounds simple but it really is profound.  It’s just to let it go by.  Let it go.  Sometimes I imagine being a bullfighter where you just – what you don’t do with a bull, you don’t argue with it, right? Yet you don’t lay down and let it run over you.  Look at matadors. They are masters at just stepping out of the way and letting things go by.  I think sometimes we think we have to deal with everything that people say, but people say things they don’t even mean.  People say things that they didn’t intend to be upsetting, and a lot of it, especially around the holidays – I think this is all the time, but especially around the holidays.  Let some of it go by.  Just let it go by, step out of the way, and then stay right there in the conversation and just committed to what you’re committed to causing in terms of your friendship and your relationship with that person.

Now, if somebody says something that’s really irritating to you and you let it go by, how do you not let that fester? You simply have to relate to it for what it is.  It’s just something they said.

One of the things that always makes something worse is not what they say but what we have what they say mean.  So there’s a difference between what somebody says and then what it means to us.  In other words, the story we make up about what they said or the interpretation we have of what they said and it’s really important to separate those two out.  There’s what they said and then there’s what we have it mean.  And those are two different things.

I’ll give you an example, if somebody said, for instance, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Suppose there you are, you’ve got the table set, and your mother-in-law says, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Now, that’s what she said.  What somebody could and probably would have that mean is, "She doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t honor that this is my home, she never thinks anything I do is good enough for her son." Right?  On and on and on.  It could be any of those things.  Now, really, though, the statement, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," is a pretty simple statement that is just a statement about what she would’ve or wouldn’t have done, and if you can keep it for what it is, just a statement, and keep separate everything you had it mean and you’ll notice that all of the upset every bit of the upset is in actually what we have it mean, not what they actually said.

How do you appreciate someone if you’re mad at them?  Why should we appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why we choose to appreciate someone even if we’re mad at them is because where if we really look at relationships, when we’re satisfied in a relationship is when we love who we’re being.

We put a lot of focus on how the other person is treating us, but you know what?  Even if someone’s not treating us well, if we love who we’re being, we’re actually pretty satisfied. The opposite is also true, isn’t it?  Which is that if somebody’s being great with us but then we’re pretty cranky with them, then even them being great with us doesn’t make a difference for us because we’re still cranky.

So to really take on, even when you’re, especially when you’re mad at somebody, is to appreciate them and find something to appreciate about them at the very least. it’s really simple.  That them being there gives you an opportunity to be somebody, to be somebody you love being, gives you an opportunity to be generous or it gives you an opportunity to be loving. Even the ones that make you the maddest, those are the ones that give you the biggest opportunity to be somebody really great.

If we really study relationships, one of the things you notice is that the whole point of other people like the opportunity of people, of being with people, is that without them there, we don’t get to be somebody, and the quality of our life comes from who we get to be with people.  So it’s right there, so why appreciate somebody you’re mad at is because you’ll end up being really happy with yourself and therefore even happy with them through your own empowerment about who you are choosing to be within the circumstance.

Last week I had a client say to me, "My husband’s so controlling, how can I have a happy holiday if he tries to control everything?"

There are two things here.  If you know that about your husband, if you know, from holidays from the past, one of the things that really works is to, ahead of holidays, ask him everything that he wants so that you actually know what he wants and he has some – he gets to say what’s important to him before the holidays ever get there so that he already knows you’re committed that he gets what he wants and then at the holiday itself, I kind of always have a theory called ride the horse the way the horse is going. The more you would fight it or the more you would resist, probably the more controlling he’s going to try to be because he’s going to be fighting back then.  If you really just keep looking for it, there’s something that’s important to him, something. People only try to be controlling because there’s something important to them, and if you can just listen for and try to hear what’s really important to him and then make sure he gets it or make sure that he knows that you’re committed that he gets it, then guess what happens?  He starts paying attention to what’s important to you and that you get that as well.

Two things, again.  One is, if at all possible, before the holidays ever happen, sit down, talk about what’s going to be important to each other at the holidays and what’s going be important to your husband so that he knows that he knows in advance that you’re out to make sure he gets a really great holiday that he wants.  Then when the holiday’s happening itself, just keep trying to hear, when he’s being controlling, what is important to him and how can I make sure he knows that I’m committed that he gets that, and then I promise, it really is amazing how much then the other person starts wanting to make sure you get what you want, too.

Here’s another question I’ve been asked, "My mother-in-law doesn’t make me feel welcome.  I don’t want to go.  How do I survive that?"

One of the things there, I think is that I wouldn’t take it personally.  If the mother-in-law’s not making you feel welcome, I bet, I really would bet a lot of money, that the mother-in-law’s concerned about something you don’t even know she’s concerned about.  For instance, it may have nothing to do with you.  Maybe she’s concerned about how her house looks or maybe she’s concerned about how her food is or maybe she’s concerned about how she and her husband are getting along in front of you.  There’s a whole number of things.  Maybe your mother-in-law’s concerned about getting older.  There’s a whole number of things that she could be concerned about, and when people are concerned about something, they often don’t – aren’t able to make another person feel welcome around them. One of the first things I do is to not take it personal and would, again, just have some compassion that probably that person is concerned about something and give they’re concerned about it, they’re not having an easy time being with you.  The more you can just be at ease with them and make it safe for them to be with you, then the more they’ll be able to be at ease with you, and guess what?  Then you’ll have the experience of being welcomed.

I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Listening to people.  When you really listen to people, they get really – they’re just grateful for it.  A lot of times we think what’s important is what we say to other people.  I’ve found that that is very important, what we say is very important and we want to make sure that what we say really is always empowering of others.  On the other side of it, there’s listening to people and really listening to somebody.  I’ve always found people, I know for myself, if somebody really listens to me, I’m always grateful afterward.

Sometimes, especially if somebody’s not making you feel welcome, there’s something that they want to say or there’s something that they’ve got to say that if you could just listen to, they would be grateful that you’re there, and then, again, you’d have the experience of being really welcomed.

No matter what they’re talking about, because sometimes they talk about something that doesn’t seem important or they can be talking about the weather or sometimes they’re upset and their visibly upset.  Whatever is going on right there, if they’re talking about the weather, listen to that. If they’re talking about how the dinner’s going, listen to that.  If they’re talking about something they’re upset about, listen to that.  When I say listen, I really do mean give them your attention so that they know, and maybe even ask them questions, but even if it’s something, they just make a comment about the weather, just acknowledge that you heard them.

People also really appreciate being acknowledged for the “good” that they are. Acknowledging people for their better attributes or way of being in life actually helps them to connect to that side of themselves in the present moment and that paves a way for them to move forward in extraordinary ways allowing you to have an extraordinary and memorable experience and holiday with them.

Happy Holidays!

Dark Places We Find Ourselves In

wizard of oz.jpg

Written by Sterling Mire

 Sometimes it’s the darkness that leads us to our brightest light.

We often just want to go to where we envision our lives to be. We dream, have goals, we create plans and we want to experience it now. We desire happiness, health and success! When life leads us to places we don’t want to go we often interpret it to mean something’s wrong or we’ve made a mistake somehow. The truth is life is doing us a favor by presenting us a breakdown to overcome so we are better equipped for life’s breakthroughs. Difficulties are a sign that we need to wake up and work on something that needs our attention.

Often we need to “hit rock bottom” in order to soar. When we surrender to the process of working out a breakdown we are taking the first step into transformation. It allows us to realize there is something within the domain of what we don’t know we don’t know that creates the humbleness that moves us to discovering something new and necessary for our evolution and growth. Incomplete past experiences that have restricted our world and enslaved us in negativity is what there is to pay attention to. What mental conversations are going on in our mental chatter? These are the clues to what needs to be transformed, what we need to re-construct. Everything can be interpreted either positively or negatively. What are we going to choose? To find the good in what was disappointing and find the lessons we are to learn sets us free. 

As with Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz” we are all on a gold-bricked road that can suddenly turn dark. It’s when we remember that there is no City of Oz that will provide the answers. It is within ourselves that we recognize we are whole and complete, here and now and all answers to whatever we are looking for is all within us. It is here we find the courage, inspiration and perfection that exists everywhere.

Having a mentor or coach is wonderful way to provide guidance and assist us with what we are working on and help identify what we sometimes can not see for ourselves.

Meditation on the Go!

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Bust up stress, anxiety and panicky feelings in the middle of your day, in the middle of the city, in the middle of doing something. Be here now and let go anywhere. We all know, it’s not always an easy feat to find a quiet, undisturbed spot to meditate especially when you find yourself in the eye of a stressful storm that comes on unexpectedly. That is why I’ve created these top 3 top ways to meditate while you are on the go!

1. Driving mediation: This is a great way to clear the past and the future, release tension and just be here now while stuck in traffic.  Take a look at what is around you. Chose something to notice. Maybe it’s a billboard, a building or perhaps a person walking down the street.  Just observe it/them without mentally creating opinions, stories, criticisms, etc. Just notice them. Once you feel you have noticed all there is to notice move on to another subject. Continue to do this while you are not having to pay attention to driving. Notice the space that opens up in you. Notice how you are simply being. Notice how life is suddenly manageable and possibly perfect!

2. Sitting Meditation: This meditation is a great way to ground yourself. You can do it while waiting. Waiting for your car to be repaired, waiting in an office reception area, or simply when you need to clear the mental chatter that has gotten so loud you can’t think straight. It’s also a wonderful way to banish anxiety. It’s called, 5,4,3,2,1. Take a full, deep breath from your belly up. After exhaling fully, count 5 things you see, hear and physically feel. Continue the exercise with 4 things you see, hear and physically feel all the way down to 1. It’s ok if you happen to be in quiet place and you only hear 2-3 things, just repeat whatever sound you hear. You will be left feeling profoundly related to reality - the now. Clarity follows and so does peace.

3. Walking Meditation: This one is a little like the driving meditation only you incorporate breathing deeply from the abdomen up while you observe the things you pass. Be with your surroundings. Notice the sky, the birds and whatever else is around you and connect with the beauty of it. If you get really good at this, you will hear nature saying, “Everything is ok” putting you at ease, synchronicity and flow.

Benefits:

1. Builds concentration – we all need this in the ADD world we live in.

2. Learn to automatically release tension – use these exercises frequently and you can learn to immediately drop tension as easily and quickly as flipping a switch.

3. Get out of your “imagination on fire” and get powerfully related to reality.

4. Allows you to be fully present – did you know that charisma is a product of being fully present? Who doesn’t want the charisma of a movie star or hero/heroine?

5. Creates strong connections with others and extraordinary experiences will follow. Get ready to be enchanted!

6. Provides perspective – this is one thing we often want when dealing with the challenging aspects or dilemmas of our lives – some distance.  I say, bring it on!

7. Improves intuition – have you ever wanted the “right” answer to show up? Well, it can and will if there is an empty, unblocked channel for it to show up in what is called your higher self. Also, provides clarity, which promotes peace and offers pathways we couldn’t access otherwise.

There you have it. No more excuses! Learn to meditate anywhere and anytime despite where you are, what is going on around you or how busy you are. It’s easy, very doable and the rewards are instant and plentiful.

Seeking Truth on the Other Side

        We can experience bliss in our world if we have the                                                         knowledge.                             Written by Sterling Mire August 8th, just a few days ago, a dear friend of mine lost his life to Cancer. From what I understand, he is now enjoying his blissful afterlife. In the past several months, watching my friend fighting so bravely for the life he so cherished led me to want to understand more about what lies ahead of us when we expire here on earth. My desire to find peace and acceptance within the situation has drawn me to want to hear what NDE’s (Near Death Experiencer’s) have to say about the truth and answers to not just life after life, but life itself, here, as we know it. There are an outstanding number of NDE’s who came back into this realm with the understanding of life’s meanings. What is our true purpose in life? Some of you may be atheists, agnostics or perhaps a healthy skeptic like me. Yet, what challenges the skeptic in me is can all these people be wrong?  I think not. Furthermore, what strikes me about Near Death Experiences is that many who do return from the dead are atheists who are transformed believers in life after life without a shadow of a doubt. They even go on to explain that the afterlife is far more real than this life, extraordinary beyond belief in its perfection. They didn’t want to return to Earth although they loved their earthly life and everyone in their life. Yet, after hearing their descriptions, who could blame them? Hearing their captivating stories have been a deep comfort in my time of loss. Many even drastically change their careers when they return from something meaningless to something meaningful. Many begin careers as teachers, mentors, psychics, healing profession, hospice nurses, public speakers, authors, and other paths that are associated with humanitarian fields. It is not uncommon to lose the fear of death for NDE’s, which is the root of all our fears – loss and the loss of our lives tops the list.    When NDE’s talk about their life review when they were dead, they commonly express that they not only relive everything in their lives they also experience how they treated others by experiences their feelings as well. During this process the NDE may even feel shame, guilt and remorse for how they treated others. This is a profound teaching. NDE’s also go on to state that when being “praised” in Heaven it wasn’t for their accolades in life or achievements. It was simply for the way they interacted with others by caring for and loving fellow human beings. NDE’s come back to life with a wealth of knowledge.  One of the most important pieces of knowledge they carry around with them in this is knowing we are one. Every day they are unwaveringly committed to generously taking care of fellow human beings. Not just family, friends – loved ones but everyone. At the end of their day they honestly ask themselves if they did enough for others. Helped, assisted, were there for others, gave love, became deeply compassionate. Fortunately, we don’t have to have an Near Death Experience to take heed of this truth and knowledge that they have been given the opportunity to bring back to us. We can start to shift our lives today in the direction of love and really giving to each and everyone we encounter. Imagine how life would be experienced differently for all of us. It would simply be Heaven on Earth.   Curious to know more?  Afterlife Evidence https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDRooQmtFJ3V81101wGvi5Q And NDERF.org  

        We can experience bliss in our world if we have the                                                         knowledge.

                            Written by Sterling Mire

August 8th, just a few days ago, a dear friend of mine lost his life to Cancer. From what I understand, he is now enjoying his blissful afterlife. In the past several months, watching my friend fighting so bravely for the life he so cherished led me to want to understand more about what lies ahead of us when we expire here on earth.

My desire to find peace and acceptance within the situation has drawn me to want to hear what NDE’s (Near Death Experiencer’s) have to say about the truth and answers to not just life after life, but life itself, here, as we know it. There are an outstanding number of NDE’s who came back into this realm with the understanding of life’s meanings. What is our true purpose in life? Some of you may be atheists, agnostics or perhaps a healthy skeptic like me. Yet, what challenges the skeptic in me is can all these people be wrong?  I think not. Furthermore, what strikes me about Near Death Experiences is that many who do return from the dead are atheists who are transformed believers in life after life without a shadow of a doubt. They even go on to explain that the afterlife is far more real than this life, extraordinary beyond belief in its perfection. They didn’t want to return to Earth although they loved their earthly life and everyone in their life. Yet, after hearing their descriptions, who could blame them? Hearing their captivating stories have been a deep comfort in my time of loss.

Many even drastically change their careers when they return from something meaningless to something meaningful. Many begin careers as teachers, mentors, psychics, healing profession, hospice nurses, public speakers, authors, and other paths that are associated with humanitarian fields.

It is not uncommon to lose the fear of death for NDE’s, which is the root of all our fears – loss and the loss of our lives tops the list.  

 When NDE’s talk about their life review when they were dead, they commonly express that they not only relive everything in their lives they also experience how they treated others by experiences their feelings as well. During this process the NDE may even feel shame, guilt and remorse for how they treated others. This is a profound teaching. NDE’s also go on to state that when being “praised” in Heaven it wasn’t for their accolades in life or achievements. It was simply for the way they interacted with others by caring for and loving fellow human beings.

NDE’s come back to life with a wealth of knowledge.  One of the most important pieces of knowledge they carry around with them in this is knowing we are one. Every day they are unwaveringly committed to generously taking care of fellow human beings. Not just family, friends – loved ones but everyone. At the end of their day they honestly ask themselves if they did enough for others. Helped, assisted, were there for others, gave love, became deeply compassionate.

Fortunately, we don’t have to have an Near Death Experience to take heed of this truth and knowledge that they have been given the opportunity to bring back to us.

We can start to shift our lives today in the direction of love and really giving to each and everyone we encounter. Imagine how life would be experienced differently for all of us. It would simply be Heaven on Earth.

 

Curious to know more? 

Afterlife Evidence

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDRooQmtFJ3V81101wGvi5Q

And

NDERF.org

 

Acceptance vs. Agreement

Knowing the difference makes ALL the difference.

“Some of our greatest successes come from unconditional acceptance of all aspects of life.” ~Sterling Mire

My clients often ask me, “How can I possibly accept something if I don’t like or agree with it?” My answer is simple: Avoid resistance. I’ll explain. The reason why avoiding resistance is the solution to the problem is because what we resist will persist. If we resist what is so in this particular moment we will be giving energy to that which we would like to change. We feed the beast. Stop feeding the beast and that beast will disappear.

I am a fan of Eckhart Tolle. In his bestselling book, “The Power of Now”, he describes acceptance as this. Imagine you fell into quicksand. Your first instinct is to resist it by flailing your arms wildly to get out. The only thing you achieve by resisting is frustration, panic and exhaustion so you end up sinking. If you just accept what is so, “Ok, I just fell into quicksand. I accept that. It is what is so.”, this frees you up to begin to create a way out – and you do! Acceptance is not agreement. I must stress this. Accepting is acknowledging and allowing something to just be. Once we have done just that, then we can began to move into a solution driven direction with ease. Answers to our questions are free to come to us – physically and mentally. We are an open channel for guidance.

Life is fluid. It can occur as if what is happening to us in the moment is permanent. We are stuck and we begin to get resigned in life. If we remind ourselves that it just appears that way BUT is actually is not the truth, it is a step in the right direction for finding the change we seek.

Life is also unpredictable. If we can accept that as part of the beauty in life then we can create the ability to embrace what ever comes along, even if it is painful.

Life will bring many challenges, such as the loss of someone we love, and it is truly challenging to embrace “what is so” when we are suffering. Yet, if we start cultivating acceptance in our lives right now, we will cope with future crises in an empowered way finding the positivity in the situation. It really is a powerfully effective way to live. Begin today to just BE with what is so. Notice how life is different and notice how you respond to undesirable things as they show up and how insignificant and manageable they become. You will be amazed!

 

Comfortably Numb....

Written by: Sterling Mire

The way to prevent “feeling” is to numb out yet it’s only a temporary band-aid that never resolves our problems yet only makes them worse.

We are blessed to have our various, contrasting emotions. Without them we would not have an indication of how our lives are going. Our emotions let us know if our lives are working or not. Yet, although we embrace the good feeling emotions we deny embracing and allowing our not so good feeling emotions to exist.

We like to find ways to numb ourselves when we aren’t feeling so good yet uncomfortable emotions are an opportunity to pay attention to what we are feeling to trace where it is stemming from. Once we see where the emotion originated from we then have a golden opportunity to listen to that little voice in our head telling us something that helped create the experience of the very emotion we are trying to avoid feeling. Allowing that emotion to be and expressing it in a safe and constructive way helps clear away the debris that locks us in and blocks us from transforming it into something good.

Checking out with food, alcohol, sugar, shopping, the internet, cell phones, TV and other non-productive distractions are avenues we choose when we don’t want to deal with something. I often tell my clients as well as myself: “The only way to it is through it”. The only way we can get through what we are feeling and reconnect to the good stuff we seek in life is to confront what is causing our emotional dis-ease before it turns into physical disease.

When we confront our problems we are taking back our power instead of giving it away to numbing activities. We are also handsomely rewarded when we do this because we not only find a solution through it but we re-discover who we truly are: courageous and strong.  This leads us to peace and completion, healing and freeing us for the future.

There are various ways to delve into what is upsetting us so we can work through it. Meditation, communing with nature, talking to friends and family, journaling, consulting a professional advisor are some of the ways we can allow others to help us find our light. When we make it through what we are here to pay attention to and learn, we can move past the issue once and for all, putting it and keeping it in the past - where it belongs. Through the practice of confronting our issues we grow wiser, stronger and more confident in confronting the next set of life’s challenges. Yes, it’s very possible to grow to the point where we even welcome the challenges in life because we know we are that powerful to transform our situations and our emotions fearlessly!

 

 

 

 

What Did I Do?

                                                          By Sterling Mire               Many times what people say or do to us has nothing to do with us at all. Have you ever had the experience where what someone does or says doesn’t seem to jibe with what is actually going on? Yet, we take their behavior personally and make it mean something disempowering about us leaving us confused, hurt and disappointed. It’s helpful to remember: people are more connected to their past experiences versus the experiences they would like to have in their future.  That past can be what just happened 5 minutes prior or as far back as childhood. Taking things personally without taking a moment to think about where they could be coming from takes us off path. We also have to be responsible for what we do and say. Could what we said or did provoke a particular response? If our intentions are benign but misunderstood, then we can apologize and clarify what we mean to the other person. If they refuse to forgive and hear the value in what we are trying to convey then we can walk away feeling satisfied with the responsibility and the action we took to remedy the situation. We can also see that there is something that person is personally dealing with that may have absolutely nothing to do with us but what they are struggling with in their own life. Be compassionate and loving and move on. We are all dealing with something in life. We are all evolving and being given the opportunity to grow and growth comes from our relationships. If this is a relationship that we are committed to, then we take move on by taking responsibility of our communications and distinguish if there is anything else we can do to help. Sometimes just being clear in our communications is all there is for us to do. We need to just give the other person some space to be with the situation and gain the understanding and clarity within themselves. When you shift your attention to the bigger picture you may then notice that there was nothing you did that was inappropriate and can choose to not take it personally leaving you free of feeling attacked or blaming yourself for something that didn’t have anything to do with you. It’s up to you to retain your self-worth while knowing you are taking responsibility for your words and actions. This is the best way to live an empowered and satisfying life!    

                                                          By Sterling Mire

              Many times what people say or do to us has nothing to do with us at all.

Have you ever had the experience where what someone does or says doesn’t seem to jibe with what is actually going on? Yet, we take their behavior personally and make it mean something disempowering about us leaving us confused, hurt and disappointed. It’s helpful to remember: people are more connected to their past experiences versus the experiences they would like to have in their future.  That past can be what just happened 5 minutes prior or as far back as childhood. Taking things personally without taking a moment to think about where they could be coming from takes us off path.

We also have to be responsible for what we do and say. Could what we said or did provoke a particular response? If our intentions are benign but misunderstood, then we can apologize and clarify what we mean to the other person. If they refuse to forgive and hear the value in what we are trying to convey then we can walk away feeling satisfied with the responsibility and the action we took to remedy the situation. We can also see that there is something that person is personally dealing with that may have absolutely nothing to do with us but what they are struggling with in their own life. Be compassionate and loving and move on. We are all dealing with something in life. We are all evolving and being given the opportunity to grow and growth comes from our relationships. If this is a relationship that we are committed to, then we take move on by taking responsibility of our communications and distinguish if there is anything else we can do to help. Sometimes just being clear in our communications is all there is for us to do. We need to just give the other person some space to be with the situation and gain the understanding and clarity within themselves.

When you shift your attention to the bigger picture you may then notice that there was nothing you did that was inappropriate and can choose to not take it personally leaving you free of feeling attacked or blaming yourself for something that didn’t have anything to do with you. It’s up to you to retain your self-worth while knowing you are taking responsibility for your words and actions. This is the best way to live an empowered and satisfying life!

 

 

Reclaiming Your Power With Forgiveness

Have you ever been so wounded by someone that your emotions run deep and steady and letting go and moving on from the situation seems impossible? Transforming the situation and moving on is the only true answer if success, health and happiness is what you seek in life. But the question remains. Why? Why forgive someone when they have acted so thoughtless, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, mean, cruel, and even evil? Answer: It keeps us stuck in our past. When we truly forgive someone we are saying, “I want to move on in my life to a much better future than my past experiences. I want to reclaim my power and by holding on to negative feelings I am not only disconnected from the source of all creativity, but I am creating more of what I don’t want in my life by holding on to the negative emotions. Those negative energies being produced by my thoughts are attracting more of what I do not want in my life.” Negative energy blocks us from accessing what we truly want in life: peace, happiness, total fulfillment and our dreams being realized. When we honestly choose forgiveness, we choose compassion and love and by giving that love and compassion to the person, we free ourselves. We return to our authentic self and re-connect to the universe (which is love). We align to our power that is connected to the power of the limitless universe which creates all things authentic and life-giving. We make a connection with the great Creator who co-creates with us everything in our world that is desirable and good. That is, if we are being our authentic self which is LOVE. Love is the energy that births forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and peace. Isn’t life sweeter when we feel light, we experience inspiration, we feel loving and abundant? We can only truly, authentically, connect with those powerful energies that produce miracles by forgiving. That is why forgiveness is key. Now, instead of just thinking about it and moving on from here with life’s distractions, start drawing up a list of people who need that forgiveness from you. Set them free, maybe even more importantly, set yourself free.  

Have you ever been so wounded by someone that your emotions run deep and steady and letting go and moving on from the situation seems impossible? Transforming the situation and moving on is the only true answer if success, health and happiness is what you seek in life. But the question remains. Why?

Why forgive someone when they have acted so thoughtless, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, mean, cruel, and even evil? Answer: It keeps us stuck in our past.

When we truly forgive someone we are saying, “I want to move on in my life to a much better future than my past experiences. I want to reclaim my power and by holding on to negative feelings I am not only disconnected from the source of all creativity, but I am creating more of what I don’t want in my life by holding on to the negative emotions. Those negative energies being produced by my thoughts are attracting more of what I do not want in my life.”

Negative energy blocks us from accessing what we truly want in life: peace, happiness, total fulfillment and our dreams being realized. When we honestly choose forgiveness, we choose compassion and love and by giving that love and compassion to the person, we free ourselves. We return to our authentic self and re-connect to the universe (which is love). We align to our power that is connected to the power of the limitless universe which creates all things authentic and life-giving. We make a connection with the great Creator who co-creates with us everything in our world that is desirable and good. That is, if we are being our authentic self which is LOVE. Love is the energy that births forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and peace.

Isn’t life sweeter when we feel light, we experience inspiration, we feel loving and abundant? We can only truly, authentically, connect with those powerful energies that produce miracles by forgiving. That is why forgiveness is key.

Now, instead of just thinking about it and moving on from here with life’s distractions, start drawing up a list of people who need that forgiveness from you. Set them free, maybe even more importantly, set yourself free.  

The Price of Freedom - 25 Ways to Let Go and Reclaim Your Power!

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle, believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us. We get stuck in the past. We tend to relive past mistakes over and over again in our head instead of completing them and letting them go. This causes us to experience feelings of shame, frustration and guilt and we allow those emotions to shape our actions in the present. We hold on to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of obsessing somehow gives us power over our fears. It is actually the opposite. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm. There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started:   How To Let Go Of Upsets Within Your Life 1. Learn a new skill. Instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered. 2. Become complete with the situation. Either accept there is nothing you can do about the circumstance and let it go or recognize that there is and do it. Maybe an apology and asking for forgiveness is due. You’d be surprised how powerful something as simple as being responsible and cleaning up life’s messes can be. 3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D. biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress. 4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action. Make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer. 5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment. A great exercise is the “Being Present” exercise I give to my clients. Try this while showering, driving, or doing the dishes. Simply take in all that you are perceiving without judgments, opinions, stories. Notice something, observe it fully and then move on to something else. Great stress buster and it also allows you to be related to reality powerfully and make better choices in life. 6. Make a list of your accomplishments, even the small ones, and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction. Post this somewhere where you will see it often. Bathroom mirror. Front door to your bedroom or home and take it in before you leave. 7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box. 8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind. 9. Focus all your energy on something you can control. Instead of dwelling on things you can’t, make a difference in someone else’s world. Clean up clutter in the home. Wash the car inside and out. Make fun plans just for yourself or with a friend. 10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.   Let go of Anger and Bitterness 11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully and express it safely. 12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation. 13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you. Visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself. 14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel is a powerful solution for moving on if done responsibly. Express yourself intelligently with calm, thoughtful and clear articulate words. Write it out first and practice. Give the other person an opportunity to apologize. Refrain from just spewing all over someone. This only causes them to be defensive as they will feel attacked and you will feel like a mess coming out of an emotional hurricane. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the other responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself. 15. Take responsibility. Many times when you are upset, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter. 16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger. 17. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.   Let Go Of Past Relationships 18. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure. 19. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if it appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.” 20. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on. 21. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again. 22. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder. 23. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box. 24. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.” 25. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “Hey, I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.” These 25 steps will allow you to take back and experience your personal freedom and power again putting you on the path you desire. The outcomes that follow is the stuff dreams are made of!  

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle, believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We get stuck in the past. We tend to relive past mistakes over and over again in our head instead of completing them and letting them go. This causes us to experience feelings of shame, frustration and guilt and we allow those emotions to shape our actions in the present. We hold on to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of obsessing somehow gives us power over our fears. It is actually the opposite. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started:

 

How To Let Go Of Upsets Within Your Life

1. Learn a new skill. Instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.

2. Become complete with the situation. Either accept there is nothing you can do about the circumstance and let it go or recognize that there is and do it. Maybe an apology and asking for forgiveness is due. You’d be surprised how powerful something as simple as being responsible and cleaning up life’s messes can be.

3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D. biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.

4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action. Make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.

5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment. A great exercise is the “Being Present” exercise I give to my clients. Try this while showering, driving, or doing the dishes. Simply take in all that you are perceiving without judgments, opinions, stories. Notice something, observe it fully and then move on to something else. Great stress buster and it also allows you to be related to reality powerfully and make better choices in life.

6. Make a list of your accomplishments, even the small ones, and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction. Post this somewhere where you will see it often. Bathroom mirror. Front door to your bedroom or home and take it in before you leave.

7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.

8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.

9. Focus all your energy on something you can control. Instead of dwelling on things you can’t, make a difference in someone else’s world. Clean up clutter in the home. Wash the car inside and out. Make fun plans just for yourself or with a friend.

10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.

 

Let go of Anger and Bitterness

11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully and express it safely.

12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.

13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you. Visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.

14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel is a powerful solution for moving on if done responsibly. Express yourself intelligently with calm, thoughtful and clear articulate words. Write it out first and practice. Give the other person an opportunity to apologize. Refrain from just spewing all over someone. This only causes them to be defensive as they will feel attacked and you will feel like a mess coming out of an emotional hurricane. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the other responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.

15. Take responsibility. Many times when you are upset, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.

16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.

17. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

 

Let Go Of Past Relationships

18. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.

19. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if it appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

20. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.

21. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

22. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.

23. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.

24. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”

25. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “Hey, I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”

These 25 steps will allow you to take back and experience your personal freedom and power again putting you on the path you desire. The outcomes that follow is the stuff dreams are made of!

 

Do People Really Make Us Happy?

It appears that people can make us feel a range of emotions; happy, sad, angry, frustrated, euphoric, disappointed, depressed and the list goes on. The truth is this is an illusion. We live in a society that has convinced us that happiness lies outside of us, within our environment and through the things we accumulate. Here is a perfect example of how we have learned this way of understanding life’s happiness. A mother sees her young child crying. The mother enthusiastically offers the child a cookie. The child then seeing his/her mother smiling (happy) makes the association with the cookie as an object that possesses happiness. We could take it a bit further and look at how the cookie has an effect on the child’s brain reinforcing the idea of where happiness lies. Let’s look at the effect of the sugar in the cookie. Sugar is known to light up the reward pathways and cause a surge of feel-good hormones, like dopamine, to be released. As a result, we feel good and “happy”. The child easily confuses the cookie, or any other thing the child learns to associate with happiness, as where happiness lies.

People’s Energy DOES Have an Effect On Us

True. We are all energy. We transmit energy. We receive energy. Yet, energy changes all the time so if someone’s happy and we feel the effects of it we begin to associate thatthat is where happiness lies. We begin to confuse, once again, where happiness lives. “That person makes me happy!” or “That person makes me upset”. It may not be that we consciously want to blame or hold someone accountable for our state of being. It could be that we simply are confused as to where happiness truly is.

Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility for how we feel is one of the most valuable lessons we can learn in life. Choosing how we feel is a conscious action. We must be fully aware to make this choice. Noticing how we feel is the first step. To choose how we want to feel in a way that is authentic and actually works is to first allow what is so to be. To simply allow it to exist. Allowing is not agreeing. Allowing is allowing. Once we allow what is, then we can make a conscious choice to choose how we want to feel. Once you choose an empowering emotion, take a moment to connect to what that feels like. Experience it fully. Maybe think of a happy memory and relive it. Embrace the feeling and let it wash over you and sink in. Then proceed with your life. It is quite simple but where people go wrong in choosing their emotions is leaving out the acceptance, allowing something to be as it is. What is surprising is that whatever undesirable emotion was being experienced will simply take care of itself and disappear.

True Happiness

Happiness is our birthright. Happiness is a skill. Like all skills, it must be practiced. When you have true happiness within, you are totally fulfilled and the things you engage in are not perceived as a pathway to lead you to happiness but an adventure you can embrace fearlessly with joy and out of the sheer excitement of being alive!

To discover more about happiness, I recommend a current documentary on NetFlix simply titled: “Happiness”. Filmmaker Roko Belic travels to more than a dozen countries, searching for the meaning of happiness.

Sterling is a celebrated professional life coach and a nationally published author. She works with clients all over the world. Her practice is located in Beverly Hills. For more information, please www.getyourlifenow.com

10 Habits of Outrageously Successful AND Happy People

1. They Love Challenges. Challenges are seen as opportunities not breakdowns. When unexpected or undesirable circumstances arise they look to themselves to transform the situation and love it. It is a gateway to accessing their personal power.   2. They Are Open-Minded. They inquire and ask questions of those around them. Keeping an open mind while hearing what others have to say can cause an “Ah ha” moment to show up. Being curious creates possibilities that were not previously considered.   3. They Take Responsibility. Taking responsibility means not blaming others or circumstances for when things don’t happen as planned. When we take responsibility for everything that shows up in our lives then we access the power to effect change. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness as well as promising to learn from mistakes and do better in the future is true power and integrity.   4. They Are Unstoppable. Failure has no inherent meaning. Successful and happy people know this. We create the meanings: what it means about our situation, ourselves and our world. We also have the option to create failure to mean “keep going” until we reach our destination.     5. They Engage in Healthy Competition: Competition to them does not mean that there is lack in the world so they better wipe out the competition to claim their piece of the pie. It means: they are inspired by what others create knowing that they too can create something of value. Their creations are unique unto themselves because they, the creators, are unique and therefore there is no competition in the traditional sense of the word in their world.   6. They Create Win-Win Situations. They know that there is a way to create situations that attends to everyone’s needs and wants and they won’t stop until they find and create the way.   7. They Nurture Relationships. Happy and Successful people know relationships are everything. They go out of their way to contribute to others knowing that it also helps them to feel purposeful and deepen their bonds with others. Great relationships not only provide the means for successful outcomes but also provides true fulfillment in living life. Being complete at all times in relationships leaves everyone feeling whole and complete and also able to move forward in the world with peace and gratitude.   8.  They Give Up Doubting. Their fuel for life is faith. Doubting to them is pointless and leads to nowhere. The stronger the faith, the lesser the doubt, the more certain the outcome!   9.  They Read. Extraordinary people read books, blogs, articles, breakthrough news that inspires them, provides knowledge, develops their spiritual side, sparks new ideas, empowers them to broaden their world. Biographies of other extraordinary people,  www.goodnewsnetwork.org, and educational books causes motivated action.   10. They Take Care of Themselves. They know the secret to life is quality, not quantity. They also know that if they sleep well, exercise, eat healthy, take time out to relax, live a balanced life, participate in games that involve their growth as a human being, and commune with nature they will be more effective, productive, happy, and useful to themselves, the people in their lives and to the world as a whole.  

1. They Love Challenges. Challenges are seen as opportunities not breakdowns. When unexpected or undesirable circumstances arise they look to themselves to transform the situation and love it. It is a gateway to accessing their personal power.

 

2. They Are Open-Minded. They inquire and ask questions of those around them. Keeping an open mind while hearing what others have to say can cause an “Ah ha” moment to show up. Being curious creates possibilities that were not previously considered.

 

3. They Take Responsibility. Taking responsibility means not blaming others or circumstances for when things don’t happen as planned. When we take responsibility for everything that shows up in our lives then we access the power to effect change. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness as well as promising to learn from mistakes and do better in the future is true power and integrity.

 

4. They Are Unstoppable. Failure has no inherent meaning. Successful and happy people know this. We create the meanings: what it means about our situation, ourselves and our world. We also have the option to create failure to mean “keep going” until we reach our destination.  

 

5. They Engage in Healthy Competition: Competition to them does not mean that there is lack in the world so they better wipe out the competition to claim their piece of the pie. It means: they are inspired by what others create knowing that they too can create something of value. Their creations are unique unto themselves because they, the creators, are unique and therefore there is no competition in the traditional sense of the word in their world.

 

6. They Create Win-Win Situations. They know that there is a way to create situations that attends to everyone’s needs and wants and they won’t stop until they find and create the way.

 

7. They Nurture Relationships. Happy and Successful people know relationships are everything. They go out of their way to contribute to others knowing that it also helps them to feel purposeful and deepen their bonds with others. Great relationships not only provide the means for successful outcomes but also provides true fulfillment in living life. Being complete at all times in relationships leaves everyone feeling whole and complete and also able to move forward in the world with peace and gratitude.

 

8.  They Give Up Doubting. Their fuel for life is faith. Doubting to them is pointless and leads to nowhere. The stronger the faith, the lesser the doubt, the more certain the outcome!

 

9.  They Read. Extraordinary people read books, blogs, articles, breakthrough news that inspires them, provides knowledge, develops their spiritual side, sparks new ideas, empowers them to broaden their world. Biographies of other extraordinary people,  www.goodnewsnetwork.org, and educational books causes motivated action.

 

10. They Take Care of Themselves. They know the secret to life is quality, not quantity. They also know that if they sleep well, exercise, eat healthy, take time out to relax, live a balanced life, participate in games that involve their growth as a human being, and commune with nature they will be more effective, productive, happy, and useful to themselves, the people in their lives and to the world as a whole.  

Sterling's Interview - Featured in The Grateful Gardenia.

I am so honored and thrilled to be featured in Janet Gunn's incredibly popular blog - The Grateful Gardenia. Janet Gunn has led an exciting and dynamic life as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, traveled the world as a flight attendant and has starred in her own national television series, Silk Stalkings, among other notable feature films and TV shows! She’s onboard my “Art of Manifestation” transformational journey and you are invited to join her! www.gratefulgardenia.com
...” I can honestly say I felt a big shift after the first twenty-four hours!!”....Having wonderful teachers and coaches in life is a blessing. If you read about some of the most successful and happy people you will find they all have teachers or coaches... or both.
— Janet Gunn
Sterling - Creator of the life transforming system, The Art of Manifestation: Mastering the Manifestation process in 30 days.

Sterling - Creator of the life transforming system, The Art of Manifestation: Mastering the Manifestation process in 30 days.

Janet Gunn with her "manual for life" - The Art of Manifestation. A revolutionary, air-tight, step by step system for clearly mastering the manifestation process.

Janet Gunn with her "manual for life" - The Art of Manifestation. A revolutionary, air-tight, step by step system for clearly mastering the manifestation process.

Janet Gunn and Sterling - The Art of Manifestation system: Living a Life of Magick and Miracles

Janet Gunn and Sterling - The Art of Manifestation system: Living a Life of Magick and Miracles

10 Ways to Unlock Happiness....Everyday!

August 13, 2016

hap·pi·ness

ˈhapēnəs/

noun

  1. the state of being happy.

    "she struggled to find happiness in her life"

    synonyms:pleasurecontentmentsatisfaction, cheerfulness, merrimentgaietyjoy,

  2. joyfulness, joviality, jollitygleedelight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-beingenjoymentexhilarationelationecstasyjubilation,rapturebliss, blissfulness, 

  3. euphoria, transports of delight; 

    "trying to rediscover the happiness we once knew"

1. Take time out on a daily basis and simply get present to what you are grateful for. Gratitude brings more things to be grateful about. Even being grateful for it all brings the desirable things that you want! For example: If you feel you are in a dead end job that you want to change, be grateful for the job you have. Expressing gratitude has a magical way of bringing more reasons to be grateful in your future.

2. Smile. Smile at the people you interact with. Smile when you talk on the phone (people do pick up on it). Smile when you exercise. Smile when you are driving in traffic. Smile when you are alone at home. The simple act of smiling can transform any ordinary day into an extraordinary day!

3. Acknowledge people. Acknowledge the cashier. Acknowledge your loved ones. Acknowledge yourself. Acknowledgement brings people closer, creates a space for new possibilities and highlights what is working facilitating more stuff that we want that works!

4. Take time out to commune with nature. Nature has healing energy, energy we call negative ions. This energy tends to diminish the inauthenticity’s that we pick up from living in the modern world leaving us feeling refreshed, peaceful and with a perspective that is rooted in liberating truth.

5. Don’t forget about you! In this day and age we are multi-tasking, trying to find ways of getting more done faster and better. We are taking care of others but are we taking care of ourselves? Set aside time each week that is just for you. Do something at least three times a week that is just for you and keep it sacred. That means no interruptions. It’s time to stop the world and focus on you and your needs and wants. It doesn’t have to take much time just as long as it’s something that you relish and cherish.

6. Eat well and I don’t mean like a sumo wrestler! Eat healthy foods that not only make you feel good, alive and vital but make you proud of your choice. Healthy foods don’t have to take time or cost a lot of money. Take a few minutes out to look up healthy and easy recipes online. Even try a few days of eating vegan http://www.chooseveg.com/vegan-on-a-budget-17-easy-affordable-recipes-2 All it takes is looking at the alternatives out there and changing your point of view.  It’s easier than you think!

7. Give up negative self-talk. When we criticize ourselves we lose power. The very power that leads us to better solutions and better choices for our future. No need to be in denial about something that is not working, but recognize it for just that – something that isn’t working and look for alternatives. Drop judgments about yourself and others and you will see new openings for action and possibilities that didn’t exist before.  Funny how that works!

8. Romance the day! Yes, fall in love with the day. Notice the sun, the clouds, the birds singing, notice the flowers that you pass by or the cute little perky doggies that pass by wagging their tails with excitement for the day. Let it touch you, move you, inspire you! Find the beauty anywhere and everywhere and your creative side will thrive!

9.  Let the news snooze. Getting your daily dose of the news distorts your view of the outer world and creates anxiety, depression in your inner world. The media gets paid to shock and rock your senses putting stress in your life about things you can not do anything about. If you want to know what’s going on in the world subscribe to the online sitehttp://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ about the good news in the world. That’s the kind of news that can make a happy difference in your life!

10.  Spend more time with family and friends face to face.  Turn the electronic world off and really be with people. Engage in conversations and really listen to what others have to say. Share your feelings and thoughts and open yourself up. Express your appreciation, respect and love. You may just find yourself in one of the happiest places on earth!